Weather & Hearts

The weather pattern during my commute from NC to MD this morning was incredibly symbolic! My heart was so full that I decided to spend an hour capturing my thoughts in words instead of taking a nap before work (and my work day stretched late into the evening; so, I BARELY finished expressing my thoughts before the calendar day changed...SMH/LOLOL).

ABOUT MY COMMUTE:

When I hit the road just before 3a, it was raining. At several points along I-85, the rain intensified. I kept seeing several cars pass me by on the interstate. Although I was tempted to keep pace, I begrudgingly decided to do 35 MPH in a 65 MPH zone (oh, the precautions you take when you've only slept for five hours and it's nearing the time to buy new tires as well as brake pads...WELP). #message -> stay in your lane and go at your own pace. Don't covet the apparent good fortune of others. You will arrive when and how you ought.

Once I crossed the VA state line around 4a, the rain ceased. But, in its place was a terribly dense fog (visibility had to be less than one-quarter of a mile; from where I was in the Saab I couldn't even see the next mile-marker that was only one-tenth of a mile away). 

Eddie Kendrick's "He's a Friend" came on Google Play around 5a while I pulled into a gas station to fill up, freshen up and wait to see if the fog was going to lift a bit. After short while passed, I realized the fog wasn't going anywhere fast. So, I chatted with my good friend King Jesus. I got back on the road and slowly rejoined my fellow wee hour travelers. 

As I cautiously made my way up I-85, I had a joy and peace in my heart because I knew there was a friend was looking out for me on the interstate. Although what I could naturally see was quite limited, I knew my heavenly friend could spiritually see beyond what my eyes were physically capable of. The I-85/I-95 corridor is familiar to Him. Although there was fog obstructing my view, I was not without recourse because He didn't abandon me. God guided and protected me on my way to work. Even though I passed SEVERAL accidents, by God's grace & favor, I was NOT involved in any of them. #message -> God is allowing your vision to be obstructed (this is merely a test of your faith). Don't fret because you cannot see too far in the distance. Put your trust in the one who knows the way, and who will be an ever-present guide as well as protector from dangers seen and unseen (even when you're physically/literally traveling all alone).

When I crossed into MD around 7a, all of the fog was gone. BUT, it was still overcast. I won't lie: I was a little disappointed. I rather enjoy basking in the sunshine. I certainly prefer blue skies to gray ones. #message -> Not all mornings are clear, bright, warm and/or dry. Some mornings are like this one with rain, fog, clouds and/or an uncomfortably cool breeze. The same God who made the "bad" weather makes the "good" weather. Life has taught me that a balance of both "bad" and "good" experiences are needed to positively develop and mature to us serve in the kingdom.

#DivineEpiphany

When I left I-495 to travel North on Route 50, a song I never heard before came on. As I listened to "Open Up My Heart" by The Dells, I felt rays of sunshine warm and illuminate my soul. Even though this song is secular, it speaks to me on MANY levels:

• LEVEL 1-There were SEVERAL personal/professional revelations. BUT, I will wax poetic about that LATER this week :-)

• LEVEL 2-There were A LOT of relational epiphanies as well. (BACKGROUND: Recently, I crossed paths with someone who seems to be a mirror-like reflection of different aspects of my life.) I think "Open Up My Heart" by The Dells instructs us on how we can indivually (and collectively) process the various life-changing decisions we must soon make:

Step 1: we must to open up our hearts. This may seem counter-intuitive because we've each experienced NUMEROUS painful moments that have been more painfully compounded over time. We have been hurt and betrayed to our respective cores by people who claim to love us. What is possibly worse is how we claim to love those people back and yet have unfortunately reciprocated similar displeasure.

I can only speak for myself: this perplexing and uncomfortable paradox entices me to act on my inclination to build a medieval fortress with nine-foot thick walls around my heart, guarded by archers with flaming arrows at the ready in case a brave soul survives swimming in the moat filled with man-eating sharks (LOL/JK). I sincerely don't want to hurt those I care about (or be hurt by those I care about). 

BUT, life has taught me that the risks often outweigh the benefits when considering to guard your heart. It's more difficult for a guarded heart to heal. Those who choose to guard their hearts often do themselves a disservice: an unfortunate consequence of attempting to prevent future pain without properly processing the current pain is we hold our current pain hostage. While trapped inside a guarded heart, unresolved pain festers and can devolve into bitterness and/or resentment. These are not emotions God wants us to experience. 

In case my friend battling a similar decision to guard her heart, I encourage us both to resist that urge. Let's choose to unlock our unlimited potential to experience giving (and receiving) love and joy.

How can we do that?

Step 2: we must actively and directly address our fears. It is imperative that we reject any inclination to shackle ourselves to a restrictive status quo security blanket when God intends for us to be transcendent social engineers improving His Kingdom with the unique gifts and vision He blessed us with. We have to remember that fear and faith cannot coexist.

#TransparentMoment -> I can only speak for myself: I'm scared to give up on my long-term building project. There's been a mutually significant investment of time, money and several other resources. From what I can tell, my friend and I have already co-constructed the framework for our respective houses that were intended to last a lifetime. However, what started as a tiny crack in the foundation has transformed into a complicated web of several cracks too numerous to count which have threatened the critical integrity of our respective proposed structures. It seems we are both questioning whether these foundational cracks could ever be effectively repaired.

 

In fact, if my friend and I are indeed processing in a similar way, we're both probably asking ourselves:

-How could I even consider walking away from what I thought was the site of my forever dream home? 

-Was I so disillusioned by a convincing mirage that I envisioned a permanent structure where a tent actually is?

-Don't I owe it to my blueprint to continue with the build?

-If I don't continue the build, can my ego survive when I publically return the remainder of my building supplies to Home Depot? 

I am unable to articulate my personal answers as of yet. Soooooooo, at this very moment, IDK...

Step 3: we must embrace the promise of joy's light in the morning. I'm reminded of something Dr. Debyii Thomas mentioned in a sermon at one of chapel services I attended at Howard U. She wisely pointed out that 11:59p and 12a look EXACTLY ALIKE. #message -> Each new day begins in darkness that eventually gives way to light. Even in instances where things don't look (or feel) better, they are actually getting better. We are moving forward with time. We should praise God in advance for the light that is coming in the fullness of a few hours at sunrise. Let us allow divine joy and peace to shine as do the rays of the sun.

Step 4: we must acknowledge that although our lives are far from being perfect in many ways, we have so many other things to be grateful for. I'm reluctantly learning to accept that there is spiritual perfection in the midst of ALL the natural imperfections I see/experience.  #message ->  as long as we love the Lord as well as work according to His will and purpose for our lives, ALL things will work together for our good :-D

Step 5: we must continue to support each other as only similarly-situated friends can. Although I don't wish our headaches and heartaches on any friend or foe, I am kind of comforted to know that I truly am not the only human going through these particular challenges. I also feel affirmed because I know there is someone else with a similar perspective to mine. 

[#Sidebar -> When I talked to my papa this eve about my revelations re: opening hearts, he quoted Maya Angelou: "[w]hen people show you who they are believe them the first time." He advised me that opening your heart to heal as well as give/receive love and joy does not necessarily mean someone should literally or figuratively stay in a place to be hurt by someone they care for (and who claims to care for them in return). In fact, when I posed an increasingly familiar "hypothetical situation," Papa suggested a person in that situation invest in some comfy sneakers and IMMEDIATELY commence a soul-cleansing RUUUUUNNNNNN!!!

When our conversation turned to me telling Papa how my friend and I appear to have a natural ability and mutual intention to be good friends to each other, Papa agreed that it is important to have the support of good friends in these kinds of challenging seasons. HOWEVER, Papa said it is even more important to be the very best friend to our respective inner selves. 

From what I can tell, I think my friend and I are committed to going to great lengths to honor (and attempt to nurture) the original external friendships that form the basis of our respective romantic relationships. Papa thought that these desires are admirable. HOWEVER, he suggested my friend and I take the time to periodically ensure that our connections, especially the romantic ones, are symbiotic (and not parasitic).]

I pray God helps my friend and I to bring out His very best in each other. Individually, we must choose what we believe is what God wants for us to do in our own lives. If we open our senses and heed divine direction, I wholeheartedly believe that God will bless us with the desires of our hearts. AMEN!!!

###

Below is an excerpt of the lyrics to the song that inspired my #DivineEpiphany

 "Open Up My Heart" by The Dells

I'm gonna open up my heart
To the world this morning
See if I can help a friend

I'm gonna pull back the shades
Of my fear this morning
And let the light of
The world come in

If ever I'm up or I'm down
I'm gonna go
I'm gonna go another round
Try to bring somebody happiness

As I look about me, I can see
All the blessings given to me

A baby boy
A woman who loves me
Oh, yeah

I'm gonna open up
Open up my heart this morning
And see if I can help a friend

I'm gonna give all my heart
Make a new start
In the world this morning
See if I can help a friend