Isnt it Ironic?
"Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you. When you think everything's okay and everything's going right. And life has a funny way of helping you out when you think everything's gone wrong and everything blows up in your face...And isn't it ironic...dontcha think? A little too ironic...and yeah I really do think..."-Alanis Morissette
Its times like these I wish I was an older, naked, white woman, with long hair that covered my breasts, who played a guitar. BUT, that is just not going to happen. I'm a YOUNGER, CLOTHED BLACK woman, with MEDIUM length hair that DOES NOT cover my breasts, who played the PIANO. I guess I have to do the best I can with what I have.
“Doing the best with what I have.” Everyone has that fate and responsibility. On face value, that concept doesn’t seem so bad. All my life my father has told me to: “Hope for the best. Expect the worst. Accept the best when it happens.” (Apparently, it’s an adage that my boyfriend believes in as well.)
It wouldn’t be so darn hard if life wasn’t so ironic. For the past few weeks irony has really been a major factor in my life. For example, RIGHT NOW I SHOULD be sleeping. I would like nothing more to be in my bed watching the black and black picture show playing behind my eyelids BUT IM NOT. I’m plagued by restlessness and the urge to break down in tears.
I’ve been fighting this urge to cry for two days now. I’ve come really close to doing it but then the tears get stuck. At this rate it seems like something miniscule is going to break this dam of tears. I’m awaiting the catalyst. I’m probably going to stub my toe or something. Then, I will erupt with convulsions and tears will cascade down my face. Time has taught me that I can’t force myself to have an effective cry. This will probably be one of those silent, soulful cries. There will be no sound. All of the things that I’m feeling and thinking that I am unable to express literally or verbally will be poured out of my soul in liquid form. It will be a liberating experience. I will be free to move on with my life. Everyone needs a good soulful cry every now and again.
Now back to this whole “irony” and “doing the best with what I have.” situation. All day I have yearned for something. All my life I have yearned for something. (I am being ambiguous for a reason.) In both cases, when I received what I thought I actually wanted, I realized that it wasn’t exactly what I wanted at all. I’m very perplexed. My not getting what I wanted is not COMPLETELY a bad thing. I should be so happy. (Random thoughts: We all fall short…Holler if you’re with me...I got what I wanted… No one is perfect...I feel used now…People were in trouble…I believe that the differences are a bonus… I believe in my heart and mind we will make it… I asked for it specifically… I’m determined to make us work…143 with all of my being)
I don’t know if it is me standing in the way of my happiness or some other power (God or the Devil) trying get me to see things for how they really are. I want to think that I am happy. But do “happy” people think the way I am right now?
Its times like these I wish I was an older, naked, white woman, with long hair that covered my breasts, who played a guitar. BUT, that is just not going to happen. I'm a YOUNGER, CLOTHED BLACK woman, with MEDIUM length hair that DOES NOT cover my breasts, who played the PIANO. I guess I have to do the best I can with what I have.
“Doing the best with what I have.” Everyone has that fate and responsibility. On face value, that concept doesn’t seem so bad. All my life my father has told me to: “Hope for the best. Expect the worst. Accept the best when it happens.” (Apparently, it’s an adage that my boyfriend believes in as well.)
It wouldn’t be so darn hard if life wasn’t so ironic. For the past few weeks irony has really been a major factor in my life. For example, RIGHT NOW I SHOULD be sleeping. I would like nothing more to be in my bed watching the black and black picture show playing behind my eyelids BUT IM NOT. I’m plagued by restlessness and the urge to break down in tears.
I’ve been fighting this urge to cry for two days now. I’ve come really close to doing it but then the tears get stuck. At this rate it seems like something miniscule is going to break this dam of tears. I’m awaiting the catalyst. I’m probably going to stub my toe or something. Then, I will erupt with convulsions and tears will cascade down my face. Time has taught me that I can’t force myself to have an effective cry. This will probably be one of those silent, soulful cries. There will be no sound. All of the things that I’m feeling and thinking that I am unable to express literally or verbally will be poured out of my soul in liquid form. It will be a liberating experience. I will be free to move on with my life. Everyone needs a good soulful cry every now and again.
Now back to this whole “irony” and “doing the best with what I have.” situation. All day I have yearned for something. All my life I have yearned for something. (I am being ambiguous for a reason.) In both cases, when I received what I thought I actually wanted, I realized that it wasn’t exactly what I wanted at all. I’m very perplexed. My not getting what I wanted is not COMPLETELY a bad thing. I should be so happy. (Random thoughts: We all fall short…Holler if you’re with me...I got what I wanted… No one is perfect...I feel used now…People were in trouble…I believe that the differences are a bonus… I believe in my heart and mind we will make it… I asked for it specifically… I’m determined to make us work…143 with all of my being)
I don’t know if it is me standing in the way of my happiness or some other power (God or the Devil) trying get me to see things for how they really are. I want to think that I am happy. But do “happy” people think the way I am right now?
posted by SdotK at 4:40 AM
1 Comments:
*A woman once told me:
"The happiest people in the world are single..."
* Is he as determined as you are?
* part of the role of a "better half" is to replenish you when you're empty..not empty you when you're full.
* "You can't always get what you want..but if you try sometimes, you'll get what you need" -Green Day via MT...all the time!
* "Follow your heart...your intuition. It will lead you in the right direction" -Jewel
* Trust in the LORD with all your heart and LEAN NOT on your own understanding
(wow, those two contradict themselves. But I believe somehow, someway..they work together in the end...)
and finally..
* "Lately I imagined I could keep you under glass, now I understand to hold you I must open up my hands and watch you fly.." -Butterfly, Mariah Carey
...perhaps this is a butterfly moment, you both are embarking upon AMAZING years in your lives.
"..if you should return to me, we truly were meant to be".
...Keep your head towards the west (or wherever the sun is..) because I got your back from the east..
Post a Comment
<< Home