Mind Playing Tricks?

This year, Halloween fell on a weekend...

...Whether you celebrate Halloween or not, have a fun and safe day (don't let your mind play too many tricks on ya)!!

Annnnnnnnd please don't rob little kids for their bags of treats. Just wait until all the candy goes on sale tomorrow!!! ;-P

T'was the night before...

...the release of the MD July 2014 bar exam results when all through the town house ALL of the creatures (both humans and my dog) were stirring (thank goodness we don't have a mouse)! TEHEHEHE :-D

Although I am STILL resolved that all can and will be well with my soul, I'm still a little nervous. I've been perusing the internet to see if anyone has any tips/insight/advice. I found this blog (http://abovethelaw.com/2013/11/recent-bar-exam-results-open-threadmaryland-kind-of-texas-virginia-any-others/2/):

"And now for some rumors we’ve heard about Maryland. While the results are supposed to be released by the close of business today (@ 4:30 p.m.), numerous tipsters have informed us that there may be a glitch on the the State Board of Law Examiners’ website that will allow you to see whether you’ve passed the exam, before the results are even released. Could that be true? Here’s the scoop from one of our tipsters:

Basically, some people are thinking that the status of their online Petition to take the bar is currently indicative of whether you passed or failed. After sending the application prior to the July 2013 bar, there were green check marks next to your Petition (assuming you filled everything out correctly). If you still have a green check mark and the Petition portion of your online application still says (ORIGINAL), then the thought is that you are golden.

However, if there is now a red x and the Petition says (RETAKE), allegedly you’re effed. Those with red X’s have already been able to submit their Petition to Retake. Those with green check marks supposedly cannot."

Here is what my application page looked like at 11:14p:

 

Mind you, that blog I quoted above is over a year old. Perhaps, the MD SBLE fixed the error. *shrugs* Whether the "glitch" was addressed or not, I hope I'll be getting some good news tomorrow. I'll meditate on that and some other positive things as I attempt to get a good night's rest (I'm acting like I didn't work 12 hours today after only getting four hours of sleep last night and that I don't have to wake up at 5a to catch the bus at 6:10a to get to work for another full day). G'NITE!!!

(P.S. Here are some other blogs I found interesting: 

-I will be re-reading this blog if I do not pass: http://misssnarkymcsnarksalot.blogspot.com/2012/09/an-open-letter-to-those-who-failed-bar.html?m=1

-Because of this blog, I won't be posting whether or not I passed the bar on Facebook or Twiiter today (http://www.barexamsuperhero.com/blog/2013/09/10/Dealing-with-Results-Day.aspx ). Instead, I might just alter the following message the author posted to their Facebook page:

"Just an FYI: I will not be posting whether or not I passed the bar on Facebook. Reasons: A) Because if I didn't pass I don't want people do the fake "Awe, it's ok. Next time." I know most do not mean it and the rumors will start circling.  B) I don't want to post that I passed when others who tried their hardest may not have. I don't want to add to already hurt feelings. C) I'm realizing its no ones business if I passed or failed. The bar exam is hard and it takes a lot of personal willpower and strength just to sit for the exam. To announce my passing may make someone more upset and to announce my failure would allow others to turn me into gossip and make assumptions that maybe I didn't do something. So, in conclusion, if you really want to know if I passed or failed Monday, you can check the bars website or here's a thought: text/call me."

I'm going to add a request for people to wait to text or call me on Saturday, November 2nd. Come what may with the results, I'll probably need some time to myself to let the results settle in.)

It is WELL with my Soul/Secrets of SATISFACTION

This week, I find out whether or not I passed the MD bar exam. Nothing is as I expected it to be. Truth be told, I’m unsettled by the uncertainty that seems to have infiltrated every nook and cranny of my life. I’m trying not to be overcome with fear and doubt. But, it is hard to keep a positive confession.

Just a few moments ago, I was reminded of my place/role in the world. It is not my job to plan everything or figure everything out. It is my job to be content with what is, focus on what I can control, release what I cannot, prepare for the next task, ask for discernment and execute accordingly.

Q: how/why was I reminded of this?

A: a door figuratively closed in face today (MINI-RANT: I’m frustrated by the growing number of “thanks but no thanks” letters from potential employers in my inbox. I’m also weary of wondering each day/week/month how my financial obligations would be met since temporary employment engagements are tenuous at best). But, then God opened a window: after being told last week that all future doc review projects were on hold indefinitely, I was staffed on another short-term project that begins tomorrow. This surprising placement reminded me that I don’t have a reason to worry. All can and will be well.

(SIDEBAR: On days when I am not working, good portions of my day belong to Hallmark Movies and Mysteries channel. There’s Murder, She Wrote from 7a-9a. Diagnosis Murder from 1p-3p. Matlock comes on from 3p-5p. Today on Matlock, Ben was directing a choir singing a song about all being well with my soul. That prompted me to search YouTube. I’m not sure if this is the song Ben Matlock was directing, but I like this version by Mahalia Jackson:

 

 

Here are some of the lyrics Horatio G. Spafford penned in 1873:

“When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say,
It is well, it is well with my soul.

Refrain:
It is well with my soul,
It is well, it is well with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ hath regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.”)

So, I have decided that come what may at 4:30p on Friday, October 31st, I will be okay. Of course, I want to pass the bar exam the first time. Yes, this would be a beacon of hope in the vast darkness of my ever mounting disappointments. But, if it does not come, I vow not to fall apart. I hope that I will be giving God the glory for His favor. But, it I have to swallow my pride and regret on Friday, so be it.

Passing or failing the bar exam does not define me. Just as I was blessed with provision today, I know whatever my needs are will be supplied tomorrow by God. I must not focus on what I do not have. I know that I will be taken care of. Everything that happens to me and for me is part of a divine plan to prepare me for the next great place in my life.   

Listening to this song while reflecting on the events of today reminded me of a sermon Rev. Dr. Howard-John Wesley preached a few weeks ago (http://www.alfredstreet.org/videos-on-demand/the-secret-of-satisfaction-rev-dr-howard-john-wesley) entitled “The Secret of Satisfaction.” Here are my sermon notes:

Scripture: 

Philippians 4 New King James Version (NKJV)
Philippian Generosity
10 But I rejoiced in the Lord greatly that now at last your care for me has flourished again; though you surely did care, but you lacked opportunity. 11 Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content: 12 I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. 13 I can do all things through Christ[b] who strengthens me.

14 Nevertheless you have done well that you shared in my distress. 15 Now you Philippians know also that in the beginning of the gospel, when I departed from Macedonia, no church shared with me concerning giving and receiving but you only. 16 For even in Thessalonica you sent aid once and again for my necessities. 17 Not that I seek the gift, but I seek the fruit that abounds to your account. 18 Indeed I have all and abound. I am full, having received from Epaphroditus the things sent from you, a sweet-smelling aroma, an acceptable sacrifice, well pleasing to God. 19 And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus. 20 Now to our God and Father be glory forever and ever. Amen.

Philippians 4 New International Version (NIV)

Thanks for Their Gifts
11 I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. 12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 

NOTES:

• Context of this passage: Paul writes to encourage the Philippians
• The Philippians sent Epaphroditus to assist Paul but Paul sent Epaphroditus back because Epaphroditus couldn't help Paul while he was in jail
• Content means to possess enough; to be satisfied
• God wants us to be content/satisfied
• It is not enough to be content at the end of our journey(s); we must be content along the way
• Appreciate your current blessings
• (Rhetorical) Q: Can you be content with the life God has given you?

Secrets of Satisfaction

1. Don't compare yourself to other saints
• Ppl have different talents, skills, abilities
• You can't beat someone at being them
• Don't be envious of ppl who are seemingly doing better than other ppl
2. Be content with your status
• Most ppl know how to connect with God when they have a little
• Many ppl forget about life when they have plenty/more
3. Don't complain about your situation
• You have more to be grateful for than to complain about
4. Be satisfied that God will supply your need
• God will do for you what you cannot do for yourself

Yes to Friendship

While watching Matlock (season 8, episode 14-The Temptation) on Hallmark Movies and Mysteries channel, the following poem was read from Leanne's diary:

 

 

Will You Be My Friend?

Will you be my friend?
There are so many reasons why you never should:
I'm sometimes sullen, often shy, acutely sensitive,
My fear erupts as anger, I find it hard to give,
I talk about myself when I'm afraid
And often spend a day without anything to say.
But I will make you laugh
And love you quite a bit
And hold you when you're sad.

I cry a little almost every day
Because I'm more caring than the strangers ever know,
And, if at times, I show my tender side
(The soft and warmer part I hide)
I wonder,
Will you be my friend?

A friend
Who far beyond the feebleness of any vow or tie
Will touch the secret place where I am really I,
To know the pain of lips that plead and eyes that weep,
Who will not run away when you find me in the street
Alone and lying mangled by my quota of defeats
But will stop and stay - to tell me of another day
When I was beautiful.

Will you be my friend?
There are so many reasons why you never should:
Often I'm too serious, seldom predictably the same,
Sometimes cold and distant, probably I'll always change.
I bluster and brag, seek attention like a child.
I brood and pout, my anger can be wild,
But I will make you laugh
And love you quite a bit
And be near when you're afraid.

I shake a little almost every day
Because I'm more frightened than the strangers ever know
And if at times I show my trembling side
(The anxious, fearful part I hide)
I wonder,
Will you be my friend?

A friend
Who, when I fear your closeness, feels me push away
And stubbornly will stay to share what's left on such a day,
Who, when no one knows my name or calls me on the phone,
When there's no concern for me - what I have or haven't done -
And those I've helped and counted on have, oh so deftly, run,
Who, when there's nothing left but me, stripped of charm and subtlety,
Will nonetheless remain.

Will you be my friend?
For no reason that I know
Except I want you so.

-James Kavanaugh

###

Now, I don't identify with everything Mr. Kavanaugh expresses in his poem. But, I believe it addresses the essence of friendship's challenges. I heard parts of myself in the poem. I concede that I am not always the easiest person to be friends with. A friend of mine gave me a the gift of encouragement today. At times like this, I appreciate that there is someone who answered "yes" to the question "will you be my friend?"