Why do I feel so sad?

I’m in an emotional quandary right now. I have a confession to make: I was cheated on both emotionally and physically. Here is another confession: we were both imperfect in our relationship. (Sarcastic sidebar: BIG SURPRISE...none of us are infallible...) Our imperfections, along with his want/need to have certain needs met, caused his infidelity. I do not believe, HOWEVER, but there are ever legitimate grounds for infidelity.

After getting over the devastation of having my worst relationship fear (nightmare) realized, I forgave the cheater. I forgave him, but I have not forgiven the act. (I'm working on forgiving the act...its hard...it takes time.)

Now, there is a trust gap. I love him. He loves me. But the trust is gone. At first, the distrust was contained. But now, it has spilled over into all facets of our relationship. I don't know what to do.

I was listening to Alicia Keys (oh, the irony) and I was listening to this song called “Good Bye”. I don’t want to say good bye to him or our relationship right now. I’m not ready to say good bye. But I relate to the general gist of the song. Here are the lyrics:

How do you love someone
That hurts you oh so bad
With intentions good
Was all he ever had

But how do I let go when I've
Loved him for so long and I've
Given him all that I could
Maybe love is a hopeless crime
Giving up what seems your lifetime
What went wrong with something once so good

How do you find the words to say
To say goodbye
If your heart don't have the heart to say
To say goodbye

I know now I was naïve
Never knew where this would lead
And I'm not trying to take away
From the good man that he is

But how do I let go when I've
Loved him for so long and I'veGiven him all that I could
Was it something wrong that we did
Because others infiltrated
What went wrong with something once so good

How do you find the words to say
To say goodbye
If your heart don't have the heart to say
To say goodbye

Is this the end are you sure
How should you know when you've never been here before
It's so hard to just let go
When this is the one and only love I've ever known

So how do you find the words to say
To say goodbye
If your heart don't have the heart to say
To say goodbye

I looked to the bible for assistance:

4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears (1 Corinthians 13:4-10).

After reading the bible, I perused the dictionary to clear up some things:

§ re·la·tion·ship (rĭ-lā'shən-shĭp') n. 1.) The condition or fact of being related; connection or association. 2.) Connection by blood or marriage; kinship. 3.) A particular type of connection existing between people related to or having dealings with each other: has a close relationship with his siblings. 4.) A romantic or sexual involvement.

§ love (lŭv) n. 1.) A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness. 2.) A feeling of intense desire and attraction toward a person with whom one is disposed to make a pair; the emotion of sex and romance. a.) Sexual passion. b.) Sexual intercourse. c.) A love affair.3.) An intense emotional attachment, as for a pet or treasured object. 4.) A person who is the object of deep or intense affection or attraction; beloved. Often used as a term of endearment. 5.) An expression of one's affection

§ hope (hōp) n. 1.) A wish or desire accompanied by confident expectation of its fulfillment. 2.) Something that is hoped for or desired: Success is our hope. 3.) One that is a source of or reason for hope: the team's only hope for victory. 4.) often Hope Christianity. The theological virtue defined as the desire and search for a future good, difficult but not impossible to attain with God's help. 5.) Archaic. Trust; confidence.

§ trust (trŭst) v.tr. 1.) To have or place confidence in; depend on. 2.) To expect with assurance; assume: I trust that you will be on time. 3.) To believe: I trust what you say. 4.) To place in the care of another; entrust. 5.) To grant discretion to confidently: Can I trust them with the boat? 6.) To extend credit to.

§ par·a·noi·a (păr'ə-noi'ə) n. 1.) A psychotic disorder characterized by delusions of persecution with or without grandeur, often strenuously defended with apparent logic and reason. 2.) Extreme, irrational distrust of others.[Greek, madness, from paranoos, demented : para-, beyond; see para–1 + nous, noos, mind.]

§ lie (lī) n. 1.) A false statement deliberately presented as being true; a falsehood. 2.) Something meant to deceive or give a wrong impression.

§ li·ar (lī'ər) n. 1.) One that tells lies.

...I wonder what my next move should be...I want to be with him…I want nothing more to be with him and please him (I love him)…I’m so confused…the research is complete…but I still don’t understand….decisions must be made.