I dont want to be alone (The Night)

So my grandfather passed away....

I’ve been spending a lot of time by myself in prayer and the bible. It has helped a great deal.

I would like to thank my REAL friends who showed GENUINE compassion. I really appreciate it. Most of my support base did what I wanted for them to do. They asked me what I needed, and they delivered.

But there is one person... I understand that most ppl want space and a listening ear when they mourn, BUT I DONT! At least, that is not what I wanted from you. All week you have been giving me "space" or talking to me when all I really wanted was extended periods of silence and a damn hug. I JUST WANTED TO BE HELD! I thought I made that clear.....Jeez.......:-(.

I'd been looking forward to it all week. As the time grew closer, the anticipation grew. I thought about it all day and all night. Then reality set in. The rug was pulled from under me, I landed on my ass to be comforted by sadness and disappointment. No matter how much I prepared myself for "no"...i wasnt completely ready to hear it.

You did what u could, what u needed to do, what u thought was right. In no way am I discounting all of what you are going through. I acknowledge that it is a lot. I don’t want to put any extra pressure on u since ur already going through so much. I also appreciate the little bit of time we did get to spend together this week.

This may sound selfish as hell, but it just wasnt enuf. (Side note: (Scoff…) You'd think that I'd learn from my previous relationship. When other ppl do their “best”, that doesn’t mean its the same standard as urs in that particular situation.)

I'm so sorry for sounding like a trife, spoiled girl, but its what I feel. Its just that I didnt want to wake up this morning crying and angry. I just wanted you to hold me. But here I am...tear stained face, tense body and holding my damnself.

Biblical Insight: “All night long on my bed, I looked for the one my heart loves; I looked for him but did not find him.” (Song of Solomon 3:1)