Ideology Differences
So I had a convo with my suitemate and it made me think about why I do what I do for and to my bf. She thinks one thing. I think another. In order to better understand the basis of our arguments, I talked to my parents, I prayed to God and I looked up sermons on relationships. I ran across on sermon that really spoke to me. I hope it does the same to you.
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“THE BIBLICAL MEANING OF LOVE by Cooper Abrams
The primary meaning of the word "love" in Scripture is a "purposeful commitment to sacrificial action for another." In the Bible it is a fact that loving God is equated with obeying His Word. The two are inseparable. 1 John 4:8 tells us that ". . . God is love."
In our day, most define love as some type of feeling. We "fall in love," or two people meet and it is "love at first sight." But the world's love is a selfish matter. If you are attractive to me, be nice to me, meet my needs and love me I in return will "love" you. The world's love is based on getting something from some else. The world does not give love where is does not benefit themselves. If you do not please me then I have no love for you. Thus for the world love must be earned by making someone else feel good.
Powerful emotions may accompany love, but it is the commitment of the will that holds true biblical love steadfast and unchanging. Emotions may change, but a commitment to love in a biblical manner endures and is the hallmark of a disciple of Christ. Sadly, the opposite is also true. Emotions will vary, but a commitment which has its basis in biblical love will not be affected by the whelm of emotion or of one's circumstances.
Our example of true love is shown in God's love for the sinner. Romans 5:8 says ". . .commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." The lost sinner living in rebellion and sin is still loved by the Lord. He loved us enough to die for us and pay our sin debt while we were sinning against Him. This shows that true biblical love is a matter of will....not of emotion. God choose to love us and His love was not based on our meriting it in any way.
The Apostle Paul's discourse in 1 Corinthians 13:1-8, addresses the true righteousness of those who profess Jesus Christ. It is a comparison of love verses the selfishness of seeking "gifts." Many miss the context of this passage. Paul was addressing the selfishness of the Corinthians in their seeking to obtain gifts of the Spirit that would draw attention to themselves. These misguided individuals were seeking to be "seen" rather than to serve God. Paul was saying their seeking gifts from God was not motivated by love.
The breakdown:
A. LOVE IS PATIENT. V4 (Long suffering) Even when you feel like forcefully expressing yourself. Love bears pain or trails without complaint, shows forbearance under provocation or strain, and is steadfast despite opposition, difficulty, or adversity.
B. LOVE IS KIND. V4 Even when you want to retaliate physically or tear down another with your words. Love is sympathetic, considerate, gentle and agreeable.
C. LOVE IS NOT JEALOUS. V4 (envieth not) Especially when you are aware that others are being noticed more than you. Love does not participate in rivalry, is not hostile toward one believed to enjoy an advantage, and is not suspicious. Love works for the welfare and good of the other.
D. LOVE DOES NOT BRAG. V4 (vaunteth not itself) Even when you want to tell the world about your accomplishments. Love does not flaunt itself boastfully and does not engage in self-glorification. Instead, love lifts and builds up others.
E. LOVE IS NOT ARROGANT. V4 (is not puffed up) Even when you think you are right and others are wrong. Love does not assert itself or become overbearing in dealing with others.
F. LOVE IS DOES NOT ACT UNBECOMINGLY. V5 (Does not behave seemly) Even when being boastful, rude or overbearing will get you attention and allow you to get your own way. Love conforms to what is right, fitting and appropriate to the situation in order to honor the Lord.
G. LOVE DOES NOT SEEK ITS OWN. V5 Biblical love is not selfish and self seeking. True Love does not try to fulfill its own desires, does not ask for its own way, and does not try to acquire gain for itself. Love, is an act of the will which seeks to serve and not be served.
H. LOVE IS NOT PROVOKED. V5 Even when others attempt to provoke you or you are tempted to strike out at something or someone. Love is not aroused or incited to outbursts of anger. Love continues faithfully and gently to train others in righteousness, even when they fail.
I. LOVE DOES NOT TAKE INTO ACCOUNT A WRONG SUFFERED. V5 (thinketh no evil) Even when everyone seems to be against you or when people openly attack you. Love does not hold a grudge against someone. Love forgives, chooses not to bring up past wrongs in accusation or retaliation, does not return evil for evil, and does not indulge in self pity. Love covers a multitude of sins.
J. LOVE DOES NOT REJOICE IN UNRIGHTEOUSNESS. V6 (rejoiceth not in iniquity) Even when it seems like a misfortune was exactly what another person deserved. Love mourns over sin, its effects and the pain which results from living in a fallen world. Love seeks to reconcile others with the Lord.
K. LOVE REJOICES WITH THE TRUTH. V6 Even when it is easier and more profitable materially to lie. Love is joyful when truth is known, even when it may lead to adverse circumstances, reviling and persecution.
L. LOVE BEARS ALL THINGS. V7 Even when disappointments seem overwhelming. Love is tolerant, endures with others who are difficult to understand or deal with, and has an eternal perspective in difficulties. Love remembers that God develops spiritual maturity through difficult circumstances.
M. LOVE BELIEVES ALL THINGS. V7 Even when other's actions are ambiguous and you feel like not trusting anyone. Love accepts trustfully, does not judge people's motives, and believes others until facts prove otherwise. Even when facts prove that the other person is untrustworthy, love seeks to help restore the other to trustworthiness.
N. LOVE HOPES ALL THINGS. V7 Even when nothing appears to be going right. Love expects fulfillment of God's plan and anticipates the best for the other person. Love confidently entrusts others to the Lord to do His sovereign and perfect will in their lives.
O. LOVE ENDURES ALL THINGS. V7 This is one of the hardest to practice. Especially when you think you just can't endure the people or circumstances in your life. Love remains steadfast under suffering or hardship without yielding and returns good while undergoing trials.
P. LOVE NEVER FAILS. V8 Even when you feel overwhelmed and the situation seems hopeless. Love will not crumble under pressure or difficulties. Love remains selflessly faithful even to the point of death.
Relationships based on emotion fail, but those based on the tenants of true biblical love NEVER fail.
This is a long introduction, but let us now look then at the Meaning of Biblical Love:
I. ALL OF GODS'S DIRECTIVES FOR LIVING ARE BASED ON LOVING GOD AND LOVING OTHERS IN A BIBLICAL MANNER.
II. LOVE IS GIVING, NOT GETTING, WITH GOD'S LOVE BEING THE BASIS AND THE EXAMPLE FOR THE EXPRESSION OF LOVE AMONG FELLOW CHRISTIANS.
III. LOVE HAS SPECIFIC CHARACTERISTICS DEMONSTRATED BY GODLY DEEDS
IV. LOVE CHARACTERIZES THE LIFE OF A DISCIPLE OF CHRIST.
V. BIBLICAL LOVE IS AN ACT OF THE WILL..NOT OF EMOTION.
************************************************************************
While I would not call what I feel for my bf love (the emotion) just yet, I would call it deep affection, we are certainly moving in the love direction. I do feel like I love him (the commitment), or at least am trying to do so, to the best of my ability biblically.
The bible says, “37…Love the Lord your God with all of your heart and with all of you soul and with all of your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. 38And the second like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’” (Matthews 22:36-39)
God, my neighbor and I are to be loved in a similar fashion. Since this is true. I want to show D love the way the bible tells me so, whether he is my bf or not. It doesn’t matter the title, the commitment to biblical love will be the same. The nature of our relationship, either friends or bf/gf, will only change the other feelings attached to our commitment to biblical love and the manner in which our affection is expressed.
This is why I believe we can make it despite the hardships we are and will be facing. D is a good man physically, emotionally and spiritually. (Side note: I am NOT wasting my time, energy and emotions. I am investing them in a man with the potential to do great things in all arenas of his life.) Relationships based on what we are trying build (biblical love), are built to last and stay strong for the long haul.
After careful thought, I do not think that I am doing too much for him. Honestly, I wish that I could do more. However, as much as I would like to make his hurt and pains disappear, the ultimate decision is his. If the shoe were on the other foot, I would expect him to do what I am doing to the best of his ability. Just because I am proving myself first, doesn't mean that he won't have a time to prove himself. It just means this is what God wants for right now.
You know what? This isn't even about expecting something back. Don't get me wrong, my intentions and desires about him are clear. However, I don't do what I do for him because he is doing the exact same thing for me. I do what I do because I care for him. In the biblical sense I love him. When you care for someone like that you do what is required to maintain and sustain a good relationship.
Life isn't perfect. Neither are the relationships we encounter in it. I prayed for a man like D and I feel that his presence in my life is a gift from God. When God gives us something good, we must cherish it and help it grow. Just because its imperfect doesn't mean we should shun it. Each and every one of us is imperfect. How would you feel if God shunned you because of your imperfections? It's all about showing that biblical love to everyone. (Side note: Pls don't read this and think that I believe that I am holier than thou. Let me be the first to say that I do not show biblical love to everyone all the time. I fall short. But that doesn't mean I shouldn't try to show it and do it when I can.)
The bottom line: D is supporting me the best way he is able to. I appreciate all that he does. For as long as I can, I will continue to do what I do, whether ppl like it or not. I am not dating them. I am dating him. It is up to me and D to decide what is too much/little or too early/late. All we can do is pray about our relationship and be patient. God will reveal all in His time. We can't rush this. Nor do we want to. We are taking things one day at a time.
After all of this…Tevin Campbell’s “I’m Ready” comes to mind:
“…maybe I am the fool, u* call me
cuz i'll be here standing waiting**
to hear u ***say to me
i'm ready,
to love u
forever
hey love
come love me forever more”
*U=those who think like my suitemate
**Displaying the biblical love
***U=my bf
(This is how is feel….Ya dig E?)
************************************************************************
“THE BIBLICAL MEANING OF LOVE by Cooper Abrams
The primary meaning of the word "love" in Scripture is a "purposeful commitment to sacrificial action for another." In the Bible it is a fact that loving God is equated with obeying His Word. The two are inseparable. 1 John 4:8 tells us that ". . . God is love."
In our day, most define love as some type of feeling. We "fall in love," or two people meet and it is "love at first sight." But the world's love is a selfish matter. If you are attractive to me, be nice to me, meet my needs and love me I in return will "love" you. The world's love is based on getting something from some else. The world does not give love where is does not benefit themselves. If you do not please me then I have no love for you. Thus for the world love must be earned by making someone else feel good.
Powerful emotions may accompany love, but it is the commitment of the will that holds true biblical love steadfast and unchanging. Emotions may change, but a commitment to love in a biblical manner endures and is the hallmark of a disciple of Christ. Sadly, the opposite is also true. Emotions will vary, but a commitment which has its basis in biblical love will not be affected by the whelm of emotion or of one's circumstances.
Our example of true love is shown in God's love for the sinner. Romans 5:8 says ". . .commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." The lost sinner living in rebellion and sin is still loved by the Lord. He loved us enough to die for us and pay our sin debt while we were sinning against Him. This shows that true biblical love is a matter of will....not of emotion. God choose to love us and His love was not based on our meriting it in any way.
The Apostle Paul's discourse in 1 Corinthians 13:1-8, addresses the true righteousness of those who profess Jesus Christ. It is a comparison of love verses the selfishness of seeking "gifts." Many miss the context of this passage. Paul was addressing the selfishness of the Corinthians in their seeking to obtain gifts of the Spirit that would draw attention to themselves. These misguided individuals were seeking to be "seen" rather than to serve God. Paul was saying their seeking gifts from God was not motivated by love.
The breakdown:
A. LOVE IS PATIENT. V4 (Long suffering) Even when you feel like forcefully expressing yourself. Love bears pain or trails without complaint, shows forbearance under provocation or strain, and is steadfast despite opposition, difficulty, or adversity.
B. LOVE IS KIND. V4 Even when you want to retaliate physically or tear down another with your words. Love is sympathetic, considerate, gentle and agreeable.
C. LOVE IS NOT JEALOUS. V4 (envieth not) Especially when you are aware that others are being noticed more than you. Love does not participate in rivalry, is not hostile toward one believed to enjoy an advantage, and is not suspicious. Love works for the welfare and good of the other.
D. LOVE DOES NOT BRAG. V4 (vaunteth not itself) Even when you want to tell the world about your accomplishments. Love does not flaunt itself boastfully and does not engage in self-glorification. Instead, love lifts and builds up others.
E. LOVE IS NOT ARROGANT. V4 (is not puffed up) Even when you think you are right and others are wrong. Love does not assert itself or become overbearing in dealing with others.
F. LOVE IS DOES NOT ACT UNBECOMINGLY. V5 (Does not behave seemly) Even when being boastful, rude or overbearing will get you attention and allow you to get your own way. Love conforms to what is right, fitting and appropriate to the situation in order to honor the Lord.
G. LOVE DOES NOT SEEK ITS OWN. V5 Biblical love is not selfish and self seeking. True Love does not try to fulfill its own desires, does not ask for its own way, and does not try to acquire gain for itself. Love, is an act of the will which seeks to serve and not be served.
H. LOVE IS NOT PROVOKED. V5 Even when others attempt to provoke you or you are tempted to strike out at something or someone. Love is not aroused or incited to outbursts of anger. Love continues faithfully and gently to train others in righteousness, even when they fail.
I. LOVE DOES NOT TAKE INTO ACCOUNT A WRONG SUFFERED. V5 (thinketh no evil) Even when everyone seems to be against you or when people openly attack you. Love does not hold a grudge against someone. Love forgives, chooses not to bring up past wrongs in accusation or retaliation, does not return evil for evil, and does not indulge in self pity. Love covers a multitude of sins.
J. LOVE DOES NOT REJOICE IN UNRIGHTEOUSNESS. V6 (rejoiceth not in iniquity) Even when it seems like a misfortune was exactly what another person deserved. Love mourns over sin, its effects and the pain which results from living in a fallen world. Love seeks to reconcile others with the Lord.
K. LOVE REJOICES WITH THE TRUTH. V6 Even when it is easier and more profitable materially to lie. Love is joyful when truth is known, even when it may lead to adverse circumstances, reviling and persecution.
L. LOVE BEARS ALL THINGS. V7 Even when disappointments seem overwhelming. Love is tolerant, endures with others who are difficult to understand or deal with, and has an eternal perspective in difficulties. Love remembers that God develops spiritual maturity through difficult circumstances.
M. LOVE BELIEVES ALL THINGS. V7 Even when other's actions are ambiguous and you feel like not trusting anyone. Love accepts trustfully, does not judge people's motives, and believes others until facts prove otherwise. Even when facts prove that the other person is untrustworthy, love seeks to help restore the other to trustworthiness.
N. LOVE HOPES ALL THINGS. V7 Even when nothing appears to be going right. Love expects fulfillment of God's plan and anticipates the best for the other person. Love confidently entrusts others to the Lord to do His sovereign and perfect will in their lives.
O. LOVE ENDURES ALL THINGS. V7 This is one of the hardest to practice. Especially when you think you just can't endure the people or circumstances in your life. Love remains steadfast under suffering or hardship without yielding and returns good while undergoing trials.
P. LOVE NEVER FAILS. V8 Even when you feel overwhelmed and the situation seems hopeless. Love will not crumble under pressure or difficulties. Love remains selflessly faithful even to the point of death.
Relationships based on emotion fail, but those based on the tenants of true biblical love NEVER fail.
This is a long introduction, but let us now look then at the Meaning of Biblical Love:
I. ALL OF GODS'S DIRECTIVES FOR LIVING ARE BASED ON LOVING GOD AND LOVING OTHERS IN A BIBLICAL MANNER.
II. LOVE IS GIVING, NOT GETTING, WITH GOD'S LOVE BEING THE BASIS AND THE EXAMPLE FOR THE EXPRESSION OF LOVE AMONG FELLOW CHRISTIANS.
III. LOVE HAS SPECIFIC CHARACTERISTICS DEMONSTRATED BY GODLY DEEDS
IV. LOVE CHARACTERIZES THE LIFE OF A DISCIPLE OF CHRIST.
V. BIBLICAL LOVE IS AN ACT OF THE WILL..NOT OF EMOTION.
************************************************************************
While I would not call what I feel for my bf love (the emotion) just yet, I would call it deep affection, we are certainly moving in the love direction. I do feel like I love him (the commitment), or at least am trying to do so, to the best of my ability biblically.
The bible says, “37…Love the Lord your God with all of your heart and with all of you soul and with all of your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. 38And the second like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’” (Matthews 22:36-39)
God, my neighbor and I are to be loved in a similar fashion. Since this is true. I want to show D love the way the bible tells me so, whether he is my bf or not. It doesn’t matter the title, the commitment to biblical love will be the same. The nature of our relationship, either friends or bf/gf, will only change the other feelings attached to our commitment to biblical love and the manner in which our affection is expressed.
This is why I believe we can make it despite the hardships we are and will be facing. D is a good man physically, emotionally and spiritually. (Side note: I am NOT wasting my time, energy and emotions. I am investing them in a man with the potential to do great things in all arenas of his life.) Relationships based on what we are trying build (biblical love), are built to last and stay strong for the long haul.
After careful thought, I do not think that I am doing too much for him. Honestly, I wish that I could do more. However, as much as I would like to make his hurt and pains disappear, the ultimate decision is his. If the shoe were on the other foot, I would expect him to do what I am doing to the best of his ability. Just because I am proving myself first, doesn't mean that he won't have a time to prove himself. It just means this is what God wants for right now.
You know what? This isn't even about expecting something back. Don't get me wrong, my intentions and desires about him are clear. However, I don't do what I do for him because he is doing the exact same thing for me. I do what I do because I care for him. In the biblical sense I love him. When you care for someone like that you do what is required to maintain and sustain a good relationship.
Life isn't perfect. Neither are the relationships we encounter in it. I prayed for a man like D and I feel that his presence in my life is a gift from God. When God gives us something good, we must cherish it and help it grow. Just because its imperfect doesn't mean we should shun it. Each and every one of us is imperfect. How would you feel if God shunned you because of your imperfections? It's all about showing that biblical love to everyone. (Side note: Pls don't read this and think that I believe that I am holier than thou. Let me be the first to say that I do not show biblical love to everyone all the time. I fall short. But that doesn't mean I shouldn't try to show it and do it when I can.)
The bottom line: D is supporting me the best way he is able to. I appreciate all that he does. For as long as I can, I will continue to do what I do, whether ppl like it or not. I am not dating them. I am dating him. It is up to me and D to decide what is too much/little or too early/late. All we can do is pray about our relationship and be patient. God will reveal all in His time. We can't rush this. Nor do we want to. We are taking things one day at a time.
After all of this…Tevin Campbell’s “I’m Ready” comes to mind:
“…maybe I am the fool, u* call me
cuz i'll be here standing waiting**
to hear u ***say to me
i'm ready,
to love u
forever
hey love
come love me forever more”
*U=those who think like my suitemate
**Displaying the biblical love
***U=my bf
(This is how is feel….Ya dig E?)
posted by SdotK at 4:46 AM
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