The Breakup Soundtrack
Dealing with this break up situation has been really hard. It isn’t impossible to get over, but it is harder than I expected it to be. When I am up, I am REALLY up. But when I’m down, I’m REALLY down. I’ve been doing a lot of self-introspection, journaling, praying and reading of the bible as well as other self-help books.
During this period, I have been listening to a lot of different music. I love music and I believe that my life has a soundtrack. This portion of the soundtrack is full of Justin Timberlake songs. This makes perfect sense. The “Justified” album was primarily written about the Justin/Britney break-up.
Let’s get into my head-
I think about my ex-boyfriend a lot more than I should. It’s not as much as I used to but it still happens. There are so many reminders of him. I loved and cared for him so much. Even after all he’s done and all we’ve been though, its weird and it just seems wrong to think and continue life without him. But it must be done. We grew together successfully. We can grow apart successfully. Justin Timberlake’s “Still On My Brain” describes these moments:
“The beautiful days are long gone
I can't seem to breathe
It feels like it hasn't been that long
Since you walked away from me
Now I can try to act real strong
But you and I both know I still think of you that way
You should know (that)
The beautiful lights the star filled nights
They don't mean a thing
Cause you were my star and so it don't seem right
Without you here with me
Now I can try to act real strong
But you and I both know its hard for me to say
You were my soul
Now I could say that I don't love you no more
And I could say that I've closed the door for our love
And I can tell you I feel It's time for us to go our separate ways
But baby I just wouldn't be the same
Cause your love is still on my brain
Now when your in love it takes time to heal
When someone's broken your heart and changes how you feel
I thought that you'd never do me that way
But even after all I still think of you that way
Now I could say that I don't love you no more
And I could say that I've closed the door for our love
And I can tell you I feel It's time for us to go our separate ways
But baby I just wouldn't be the same
Cause your love is still on my brain
Now love is a game that we both like to play
But will I win or lose if I go or if I stay
Even though I try to hide my broken heart inside
You know me inside out and I can't get you off my mind
Now I could say that I don't love you no more
And I could say that I've closed the door for our love
And I can tell you I feel It's time for us to go our separate ways
But baby I just wouldn't the same
Cause your love is still on my brain”
The reason I am having such a hard time letting go is because I thought that we would always be together. I know that relationships have their ups and downs. I figured that this would just be a “down” that we would have to deal with together and turn into an “up.” This isn’t a comma. Unexpectedly, I’ve found myself at a period.
Justin Timberlake’s “Take It From Here” describes how I tried to care for my ex-boyfriend, how I wanted him to care for me as well as how I will care for my boyfriend/husband in the future. I want to be able to show stable, unconditional, supportive love reciprocally. But my partner must have a cooperative spirit and like mind. Here are the lyrics:
“I wanna be your lake, for your bay
And any problems that you have
I wanna wash 'em away
I wanna be your sky
So blue and high
And everytime you think of me
I wanna blow your mind
I wanna be your air
So sweet and fair
So when you feel that you can't breathe
Baby, I'll be there
I wanna be your answer, all the time
When you see how I put your life before mine
With no question
When all the love feels gone
And you can't carry on
Don't worry,
I'ma take it from here
Just as sure as the sun will shine
Every morning, everytime
Don't worry,
I'ma take it from here
I wanna hold your hands
Review all your plans
I wanna make sure everyone of your dreams will stand
I wanna be your broadway show on review (Why?)
So I can act out how God was when he made you
I wanna be your lighthouse when you get lost
I'll light a bright and shining path to help you across
I wanna be your mother, wait
See what I see
And when you see that can't nobody hold you like me
Cause I love you
When all the love feels gone
And you can't carry on
Don't worry,
I'ma take it from here (Take it from here, baby)
Just as sure as the sun will shine
Every morning, everytime
Don't worry, (no no)
I'ma take it from here
And when there's no one there to hold
And you realize the world is cold
Don't worry,
I'ma take it from here
That's what I'm gonna do
Just as sure as the sun will shine
Every morning, every time (Don't you worry, baby, baby)
Don't worry, girl (Baby)
I'ma take it from here
(I'll take you wherever you want)
Give me one reason why we should not be leaving
This world is so deceiving, the time is now
Let's fly away speeding
Through the Garden of Eden
Where all the sweet breathing of love surrounds
When all the love feels gone
And you can't carry on
Don't worry,
I'ma take it from here
Just as sure as the sun will shine
Every morning, everytime
Don't worry, (no no)
I'ma take it from here
Love ain't always the way they write in books (No, no)
See there's the good guys
And also heartbreak crooks
Your hearts the real book
Just take a look inside
'Cause it's a colorful illustrated guide
So there you go
Don't worry
I'll be the one
To help you weather the storm
I'll be there
No matter what time
No matter what place
You can always count on me
I'll take it from here”
I can’t take my ex-boy friend from anywhere. We are no longer together. Given his current state of mind we can’t be together. Unless things change drastically, we cant ever be together again. Justin Timberlake’s “Never Again” describes this:
“Would have given up my life for you
Guess it's true what they say about love
It's blind
You lied straight to my face
Looking in my eyes
And I believed you 'cause I loved you more than life
And all you had to do
Was apologize (1)
You didn't say you're sorry
I don't understand
You don't care that you hurt me
And now I'm half the woman (2)
That I used to be when it was you and me
You didn't love me enough
My heart may never mend (3)
And you'll never get to love me, again (4)
No, no, no, no, no, no
Sadness has me at the end of the line
Helpless watched you break this heart of mine
And loneliness only wants you back here with me
Common sense knows that you're not good enough for me (4)
And all you had to do
Was apologize, and mean it (1)
You didn't say you're sorry
I don't understand
You don't care that you hurt me
And now I'm half the woman (2)
That I used to be when it was you and me
You didn't love me enough
My heart may never mend (3)
And you'll never get to love me, again (4)
It's like hell I could go back in time
Maybe then I could see how
Forgiveness says that I should give you one more try (5)
But it's too late, it's over now (5)
You didn't say you're sorry
I don't understand
You don't care that you hurt me
And now I'm half the woman (2)
That I used to be when it was you and me
You didn't love me enough
My heart may never mend (3)
And you'll never get to love me, again (4)”
What did those numbers mean? Let me break it down:
(1.) “All you had to do was apologize, and mean it.” I loved him so much that all he would have to do to make things better was to apologize and mean it. I would’ve forgave and forget. We would move on together as one cohesive unit toward a bright future. I’ve done my best to show him what true loves does. By no means am I saying that I was perfect in our relationship. I have fallen short sometimes but I apologized when I’ve made mistakes. I did my best. For 11 months, I knew he was doing his “best.” For the 12th month, I know that he gave up.
(2.) “Now I'm half the woman.” I’m only half the woman I was when we were together because I gave so much of myself to you. I gave you my attention, heart, mind, body and soul. He gave me the same. But he took it all away from me. I feel the void of sharing and being shared.
(3.) “My heart may never mend.” I know that is no true. It just feels like that when I am having a “down” moment. As time moves forward, I will feel like this less and less until my heart mends completely.
(4.) “You'll never get to love me, again.” I can’t say for sure that is what will happen in the future. Out of loneliness and an extreme desire to be with him, I want us to get back together. In my heart, I want to be his everything through the good times and the bad. In my head, I know that right now (and possibly forever) that just can’t be. Apparently, right now we aren’t meant to be together. If we are meant to be together in the future, we will be. If we are meant to be apart in the future, we will. I will be truly happy with either outcome, as long as its right.
(5.) “Forgiveness says that I should give you one more try…But it's too late, it's over now.” I want to forgive him for giving up and letting me go. He didn’t apologize. He doesn’t want to be forgiven. I know this because he doesn’t want to be with me. Why do I still want to forgive him? The answer lies in how I view our relationship. It’s like I’ve been in a relationship with two people. All I want is for that person that I have been in love with for 11 months to come back. That person was confident, patient, forgiving, understanding, honest, respectful, trustworthy, caring and fun to be around. He loved me the way I want to be loved. The person I was with in the 12th month is a stranger to me. I can’t be in a relationship with that person. That person kept a record of wrongs. He was insecure, impatient, dishonest, and disrespectful. He didn’t forgive or forget. He doesn’t love me the way I want to be loved. If that first person cam back and could prove the second person was gone, I may take him back. I can’t even thing of that. It is WAY in the future. In terms of the “now”, we are over. I must continue to heal.
During this period, I have been listening to a lot of different music. I love music and I believe that my life has a soundtrack. This portion of the soundtrack is full of Justin Timberlake songs. This makes perfect sense. The “Justified” album was primarily written about the Justin/Britney break-up.
Let’s get into my head-
I think about my ex-boyfriend a lot more than I should. It’s not as much as I used to but it still happens. There are so many reminders of him. I loved and cared for him so much. Even after all he’s done and all we’ve been though, its weird and it just seems wrong to think and continue life without him. But it must be done. We grew together successfully. We can grow apart successfully. Justin Timberlake’s “Still On My Brain” describes these moments:
“The beautiful days are long gone
I can't seem to breathe
It feels like it hasn't been that long
Since you walked away from me
Now I can try to act real strong
But you and I both know I still think of you that way
You should know (that)
The beautiful lights the star filled nights
They don't mean a thing
Cause you were my star and so it don't seem right
Without you here with me
Now I can try to act real strong
But you and I both know its hard for me to say
You were my soul
Now I could say that I don't love you no more
And I could say that I've closed the door for our love
And I can tell you I feel It's time for us to go our separate ways
But baby I just wouldn't be the same
Cause your love is still on my brain
Now when your in love it takes time to heal
When someone's broken your heart and changes how you feel
I thought that you'd never do me that way
But even after all I still think of you that way
Now I could say that I don't love you no more
And I could say that I've closed the door for our love
And I can tell you I feel It's time for us to go our separate ways
But baby I just wouldn't be the same
Cause your love is still on my brain
Now love is a game that we both like to play
But will I win or lose if I go or if I stay
Even though I try to hide my broken heart inside
You know me inside out and I can't get you off my mind
Now I could say that I don't love you no more
And I could say that I've closed the door for our love
And I can tell you I feel It's time for us to go our separate ways
But baby I just wouldn't the same
Cause your love is still on my brain”
The reason I am having such a hard time letting go is because I thought that we would always be together. I know that relationships have their ups and downs. I figured that this would just be a “down” that we would have to deal with together and turn into an “up.” This isn’t a comma. Unexpectedly, I’ve found myself at a period.
Justin Timberlake’s “Take It From Here” describes how I tried to care for my ex-boyfriend, how I wanted him to care for me as well as how I will care for my boyfriend/husband in the future. I want to be able to show stable, unconditional, supportive love reciprocally. But my partner must have a cooperative spirit and like mind. Here are the lyrics:
“I wanna be your lake, for your bay
And any problems that you have
I wanna wash 'em away
I wanna be your sky
So blue and high
And everytime you think of me
I wanna blow your mind
I wanna be your air
So sweet and fair
So when you feel that you can't breathe
Baby, I'll be there
I wanna be your answer, all the time
When you see how I put your life before mine
With no question
When all the love feels gone
And you can't carry on
Don't worry,
I'ma take it from here
Just as sure as the sun will shine
Every morning, everytime
Don't worry,
I'ma take it from here
I wanna hold your hands
Review all your plans
I wanna make sure everyone of your dreams will stand
I wanna be your broadway show on review (Why?)
So I can act out how God was when he made you
I wanna be your lighthouse when you get lost
I'll light a bright and shining path to help you across
I wanna be your mother, wait
See what I see
And when you see that can't nobody hold you like me
Cause I love you
When all the love feels gone
And you can't carry on
Don't worry,
I'ma take it from here (Take it from here, baby)
Just as sure as the sun will shine
Every morning, everytime
Don't worry, (no no)
I'ma take it from here
And when there's no one there to hold
And you realize the world is cold
Don't worry,
I'ma take it from here
That's what I'm gonna do
Just as sure as the sun will shine
Every morning, every time (Don't you worry, baby, baby)
Don't worry, girl (Baby)
I'ma take it from here
(I'll take you wherever you want)
Give me one reason why we should not be leaving
This world is so deceiving, the time is now
Let's fly away speeding
Through the Garden of Eden
Where all the sweet breathing of love surrounds
When all the love feels gone
And you can't carry on
Don't worry,
I'ma take it from here
Just as sure as the sun will shine
Every morning, everytime
Don't worry, (no no)
I'ma take it from here
Love ain't always the way they write in books (No, no)
See there's the good guys
And also heartbreak crooks
Your hearts the real book
Just take a look inside
'Cause it's a colorful illustrated guide
So there you go
Don't worry
I'll be the one
To help you weather the storm
I'll be there
No matter what time
No matter what place
You can always count on me
I'll take it from here”
I can’t take my ex-boy friend from anywhere. We are no longer together. Given his current state of mind we can’t be together. Unless things change drastically, we cant ever be together again. Justin Timberlake’s “Never Again” describes this:
“Would have given up my life for you
Guess it's true what they say about love
It's blind
You lied straight to my face
Looking in my eyes
And I believed you 'cause I loved you more than life
And all you had to do
Was apologize (1)
You didn't say you're sorry
I don't understand
You don't care that you hurt me
And now I'm half the woman (2)
That I used to be when it was you and me
You didn't love me enough
My heart may never mend (3)
And you'll never get to love me, again (4)
No, no, no, no, no, no
Sadness has me at the end of the line
Helpless watched you break this heart of mine
And loneliness only wants you back here with me
Common sense knows that you're not good enough for me (4)
And all you had to do
Was apologize, and mean it (1)
You didn't say you're sorry
I don't understand
You don't care that you hurt me
And now I'm half the woman (2)
That I used to be when it was you and me
You didn't love me enough
My heart may never mend (3)
And you'll never get to love me, again (4)
It's like hell I could go back in time
Maybe then I could see how
Forgiveness says that I should give you one more try (5)
But it's too late, it's over now (5)
You didn't say you're sorry
I don't understand
You don't care that you hurt me
And now I'm half the woman (2)
That I used to be when it was you and me
You didn't love me enough
My heart may never mend (3)
And you'll never get to love me, again (4)”
What did those numbers mean? Let me break it down:
(1.) “All you had to do was apologize, and mean it.” I loved him so much that all he would have to do to make things better was to apologize and mean it. I would’ve forgave and forget. We would move on together as one cohesive unit toward a bright future. I’ve done my best to show him what true loves does. By no means am I saying that I was perfect in our relationship. I have fallen short sometimes but I apologized when I’ve made mistakes. I did my best. For 11 months, I knew he was doing his “best.” For the 12th month, I know that he gave up.
(2.) “Now I'm half the woman.” I’m only half the woman I was when we were together because I gave so much of myself to you. I gave you my attention, heart, mind, body and soul. He gave me the same. But he took it all away from me. I feel the void of sharing and being shared.
(3.) “My heart may never mend.” I know that is no true. It just feels like that when I am having a “down” moment. As time moves forward, I will feel like this less and less until my heart mends completely.
(4.) “You'll never get to love me, again.” I can’t say for sure that is what will happen in the future. Out of loneliness and an extreme desire to be with him, I want us to get back together. In my heart, I want to be his everything through the good times and the bad. In my head, I know that right now (and possibly forever) that just can’t be. Apparently, right now we aren’t meant to be together. If we are meant to be together in the future, we will be. If we are meant to be apart in the future, we will. I will be truly happy with either outcome, as long as its right.
(5.) “Forgiveness says that I should give you one more try…But it's too late, it's over now.” I want to forgive him for giving up and letting me go. He didn’t apologize. He doesn’t want to be forgiven. I know this because he doesn’t want to be with me. Why do I still want to forgive him? The answer lies in how I view our relationship. It’s like I’ve been in a relationship with two people. All I want is for that person that I have been in love with for 11 months to come back. That person was confident, patient, forgiving, understanding, honest, respectful, trustworthy, caring and fun to be around. He loved me the way I want to be loved. The person I was with in the 12th month is a stranger to me. I can’t be in a relationship with that person. That person kept a record of wrongs. He was insecure, impatient, dishonest, and disrespectful. He didn’t forgive or forget. He doesn’t love me the way I want to be loved. If that first person cam back and could prove the second person was gone, I may take him back. I can’t even thing of that. It is WAY in the future. In terms of the “now”, we are over. I must continue to heal.
posted by SdotK at 6:25 PM
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