The Breakup
On June 18, 2005 my boyfriend and I broke up for good. He made the decision to put his longtime childhood friend/ex-girlfriend above me. This is the same girl that he cheated on me with. He still loves her (loves her more than me). He claims he is not in love with her.. They are not together romanticly…yet…I believe in time they will end up together.
Back to the point, she’s pregnant now. He says that it is not his baby. That is not why we have broken up. We are breaking up because he has made the decision to put her and her child above our relationship. She will be number one in his life.
Since I am who I am, I refuse to be number two. I am too good for that. In an intimate relationship, I will be number “one”. I will not unseat God or Family. But when it comes to friends, I come above friends. That is what makes me the “girlfriend”. That is what will make me the “wife”.
I did the best that I could do. I did all that I could do. I gave it the “old college try.” PRAYER IS AMAZING! I prayed for peace, serenity, the ability to trust myself/him and a clear indicator of whether or not I should be with him. I got what I prayed for. This pregnancy situation, his outwright saying he fell out of love with me, that he loves the other gurl more than me and that she(with or without her child) will always be number one is his life is about as clear an indicator as you can get. The peace is here. The trust will come. I have my calm in the storm. It is not me who is providing calm. I know where to give my praises. Thank you Jesus!
“10But by the grace of God I am what I am, and His grace toward me was not in vain; but I labored more abundantly than they all, yet not I, but the grace of God which was with me.” 1 Corinthians 15:10
I showed him love the way the bible told me so. I realize now that the reason I couldn’t bring myself to trust him was because it wasn’t for me to trust him in that way. It just wasn’t meant to be. The bible says:
“8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears.” -1 Corinthians 13:8-10
I don’t know about prophesy. I’m not sure about tongues. But the knowledge has made our love pass away.
I am hurt but I thank God though. I am happy that I found this out now before we went any further into our relationship. God knows exactly what he is doing. This is my time to be hurt. This is my time to grow. There is a time and place for everything:
“For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die;a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal;a time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh;a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to throw away stones, and a time to gather stones together;a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to seek, and a time to lose;a time to keep, and a time to throw away;
A time to tear, and a time to sew;a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate;a time for war, and a time for peace.”- Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
I am not the first to have my heart broken. I will not be the first to be healed from a broken heart. I put my life in His hands. He will provide for me. I know that I am truly blessed.
“3Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. 4Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. 5Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth. 6Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled. 7Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy. 8Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God. 9Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God. 10Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.”-Matthew 5:3-10
I do not hate him. I am saddened by his decision. But it is for the greater good. I will forgive him. It is the only way to for me to find peace and achieve eternal life:
“12Forgive us the wrongs we have done, as we forgive the wrongs that others have done to us... 14If you forgive others the wrongs they have done to you, your Father in heaven will also forgive you. 15But if you do not forgive others, then your Father will not forgive the wrongs you have done.”-Matthew 6:12,14,15
Once again, I look to that passage I wrote to myself a while back. Now that I am out of the relationship, it makes even more sense:
“Life is constantly changing. Various people, places & things are put into our lives. They bring various emotions that fluctuate with earthquake proportions. Sometimes they stay for a season, or they may stay for the duration of our lives. It is important to see these people for who they are & what they mean for your life. Sometimes the separation means more good than harm either for u, the person, or your relationship. With the altering states of our reality, sometimes it is easy to lose our grounding. Remember, the good book says: "Peace, I leave with you. My peace I give unto you; not as the world giveth you, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it not be afraid." John 14:27”
Our relationship has come to an end. I said “goodbye.” Now I must heal.
Back to the point, she’s pregnant now. He says that it is not his baby. That is not why we have broken up. We are breaking up because he has made the decision to put her and her child above our relationship. She will be number one in his life.
Since I am who I am, I refuse to be number two. I am too good for that. In an intimate relationship, I will be number “one”. I will not unseat God or Family. But when it comes to friends, I come above friends. That is what makes me the “girlfriend”. That is what will make me the “wife”.
I did the best that I could do. I did all that I could do. I gave it the “old college try.” PRAYER IS AMAZING! I prayed for peace, serenity, the ability to trust myself/him and a clear indicator of whether or not I should be with him. I got what I prayed for. This pregnancy situation, his outwright saying he fell out of love with me, that he loves the other gurl more than me and that she(with or without her child) will always be number one is his life is about as clear an indicator as you can get. The peace is here. The trust will come. I have my calm in the storm. It is not me who is providing calm. I know where to give my praises. Thank you Jesus!
“10But by the grace of God I am what I am, and His grace toward me was not in vain; but I labored more abundantly than they all, yet not I, but the grace of God which was with me.” 1 Corinthians 15:10
I showed him love the way the bible told me so. I realize now that the reason I couldn’t bring myself to trust him was because it wasn’t for me to trust him in that way. It just wasn’t meant to be. The bible says:
“8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears.” -1 Corinthians 13:8-10
I don’t know about prophesy. I’m not sure about tongues. But the knowledge has made our love pass away.
I am hurt but I thank God though. I am happy that I found this out now before we went any further into our relationship. God knows exactly what he is doing. This is my time to be hurt. This is my time to grow. There is a time and place for everything:
“For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die;a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal;a time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh;a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to throw away stones, and a time to gather stones together;a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to seek, and a time to lose;a time to keep, and a time to throw away;
A time to tear, and a time to sew;a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate;a time for war, and a time for peace.”- Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
I am not the first to have my heart broken. I will not be the first to be healed from a broken heart. I put my life in His hands. He will provide for me. I know that I am truly blessed.
“3Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. 4Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. 5Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth. 6Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled. 7Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy. 8Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God. 9Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God. 10Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.”-Matthew 5:3-10
I do not hate him. I am saddened by his decision. But it is for the greater good. I will forgive him. It is the only way to for me to find peace and achieve eternal life:
“12Forgive us the wrongs we have done, as we forgive the wrongs that others have done to us... 14If you forgive others the wrongs they have done to you, your Father in heaven will also forgive you. 15But if you do not forgive others, then your Father will not forgive the wrongs you have done.”-Matthew 6:12,14,15
Once again, I look to that passage I wrote to myself a while back. Now that I am out of the relationship, it makes even more sense:
“Life is constantly changing. Various people, places & things are put into our lives. They bring various emotions that fluctuate with earthquake proportions. Sometimes they stay for a season, or they may stay for the duration of our lives. It is important to see these people for who they are & what they mean for your life. Sometimes the separation means more good than harm either for u, the person, or your relationship. With the altering states of our reality, sometimes it is easy to lose our grounding. Remember, the good book says: "Peace, I leave with you. My peace I give unto you; not as the world giveth you, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it not be afraid." John 14:27”
Our relationship has come to an end. I said “goodbye.” Now I must heal.
posted by SdotK at 10:59 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home