I don’t want to be alone (The Morning)

I fell asleep on the plane to Chicago. I didn’t mean to fall asleep but it happened anyways. I cannot say that it was the most restful sleep in the world. I kept waking up suddenly for seemingly no apparent reason. Luckily, I went back to sleep just as instantly. When we arrived in the Chi, my mood and outlook had changed. I attribute this to divine intervention. During the many periods of sleep, I kept hearing this passage:

“1May the Lord answer you when you are in distress; may the name of the Lord of Jacob protect you. 2May He send you help from the sanctuary and grant you support from Zion. 3May he remember all of you sacrifices and accept your burnt offerings. 4May he give you the desires of your heart and make all of your plans succeed. 5We will shout for joy when you are victorious and will life up your banners in the name of our God. May the Lord grant all of your requests. 6Now I know that the Lord saves his anointed; he answers him from holy heaven with the saving power of his right hand. 7Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God. 8They are brought to their knees and fall, but we rise up and stand firm. 9O Lord, our king! Answer us when we call!” (Psalms 20)

What is interesting is that I read this passage to someone special a few nights ago. I read it when I was under stress and I knew that he was under stress. As you can gather from my previous blog entry, I was PISSED. The negativity from my inner being seeped out of my fingers and onto the screen. That just isn’t good. That is not what I am supposed to be doing. My actions astounded me. For the first time in the history of my blog, I cursed. I don’t curse, well at least not often. I especially try hard not to do so when I write or speak.

“1A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” (Proverbs 15:1)

“1There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: 7A time to be silent and a time to speak.” (Ecclesiastes 3:1,7)

This may seem kinda simple BUT I’ve realized that I am angry. But not all of my anger stems from the death of my grandfather. The truth is that I have been angry at the world for quite sometime. I thought that I was handling the feelings well. However, it has become evident that they have just be suppressed and repressed. It took the death of my grandfather to bring out all of this negativity that I have been harboring inside about the other facets of my life.

“1I said, “I will watch my ways and keep my tongue from sin; I will put a muzzle on my mouth as long as the wicked are in my presence. 2But when I was silent and still, not even saying anything good, my anguish increased. 3My heart grew hot within me, and as I meditated, the fire burned…” (Psalms 39 1-3)

You see, I have been under an extreme amount of stress for the past few months. I haven’t had a break from the drama since May 2005 when I started this blog. Up to this point, I have been able to keep up my appearances thus convincing myself that everything was fine when the opposite was true. In my head, if I am in crisis but outside everything looks fine then I am fine. The fact that I am in crisis has not changed, but my “picture perfect” world is in shambles. My family has issues, I have issues, finances aren’t right, grades aren’t right, people are tripping at me for no reason and there is nothing I can do to cover it up and make it better. In my head this is just not how things are supposed to be. I am supposed to be in control even if everything around me is falling apart.

Now I am desperate, but I have a plan. For those of you who know me, I always have a plan. I don’t function very well without plans. So what is the plan? I am leaning on my support base. First, I lay my problems before the Lord in prayer. I seek comfort, peace and understanding through the bible. Next, I call on my family. We are a very close-knit group. It doesn’t matter the time, I can always depend on someone to pick up the phone and be there. I thank God for my family. My friends, separated into groups as boyfriend, team rocket co-captain, suitemate and the girls (Side note: BIG UP WHEATLEY 4-DUB! The card was BEAUTIFUL! I cried when reading it on the metro to the airport), are the final level of the support base. I don’t lean on them as much as I could. History has told me that I have to take it slow. Thankfully, when I have leaned on them they haven’t let me fall. I thank God for my friends.

I also thank God for Jesus and the tools that he has given us to cope with our trials and tribulations. This divine insight is amazing.

“1There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: 2A time to be born and a time to die, 4A time to weep and a time to laugh, A time to mourn and a time to dance,” (Ecclesiastes 3:1,2,4)

I especially am thankful for the peace that is given to those who are dealing with the death of a loved one.

“22Blessed are those that mourn, for they will be comforted.” (Matthew 5:22 )

It is truly a blessing that both of the major deaths that I have experienced have relatively expected. I prepared myself for the death of my grandfather and grandmother long before the actual event occurred. Both were the end of great suffering. I am glad that they don’t have to suffer. Both were at the end of long, productive lives. Any one who lives to be in their early 80s or late 70s is blessed and highly favored. Both were loved by their blood family, church family, and the Charleston community at large. An outpouring of love came (and is coming) in various ways from across the nation. They lived such great lives. I can’t say this enough: I really appreciate the compassion people have shown me and my family. I am very thankful for you kind words and deeds. Please continue to life us up in prayer.

Right now, I am hoping to be half of the people that they were. Lord knows that haven’t been the best person during this test. I will be the first to admit my imperfections. While there are a host of apologies to go around, I would like to apologize to the person I directed my wrath towards in my last blog entry. I am sorry. Those words were full of negativity. That was wrong.

“12Hatred stirs up dissension, but love covers all wrongs.” (Proverbs 10:12)

Please accept my apology. While I was genuinely upset at the fact that you were not there when I needed/wanted you to be, I know that you have done more than your share of comforting me in the times we did spend together. Besides, you are gong through a lot right now. I know that you care a great deal for me. Ignoring all of those facts would be rude and ungrateful. I try not to be like that when I can help it. But I fall short sometimes, as we all do. While talking to my Team Rocket co-captain (Side note: I also thank God for my team rocket co-captain), he gently reminded me through scripture that being angry isn’t productive that I need to do is love.

“36Teacher, what is the greatest commandment under the Law? 37Jesus replied “Love the Lord your God with all of your heart and with all of you soul and with all of your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. 38And the second like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’” (Matthews 22:36-39)

I want to love my support base in the biblical structure.

“4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not rejoice in evil but it rejoices in truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” (1 Corinthians 13:4-7)

I know that I haven’t lived up to that standard. There is a lot of room for improvement.

Well I am down and out. The only way that I can go from here is up. With my hand in the unchanging hand of the Lord I will not fail. I have to do away with my dependency on stability, order and plans. I must step out on faith.

“7Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. 8For everyone who asks receives, he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.”(Matthew 7:7-8)

The funny thing about asking, seeking and knocking is that the Lord will give you what He wants for you. This may or may not be what you intended. Only time and prayer will tell what the fruits of this action will be.

I dont want to be alone (The Night)

So my grandfather passed away....

I’ve been spending a lot of time by myself in prayer and the bible. It has helped a great deal.

I would like to thank my REAL friends who showed GENUINE compassion. I really appreciate it. Most of my support base did what I wanted for them to do. They asked me what I needed, and they delivered.

But there is one person... I understand that most ppl want space and a listening ear when they mourn, BUT I DONT! At least, that is not what I wanted from you. All week you have been giving me "space" or talking to me when all I really wanted was extended periods of silence and a damn hug. I JUST WANTED TO BE HELD! I thought I made that clear.....Jeez.......:-(.

I'd been looking forward to it all week. As the time grew closer, the anticipation grew. I thought about it all day and all night. Then reality set in. The rug was pulled from under me, I landed on my ass to be comforted by sadness and disappointment. No matter how much I prepared myself for "no"...i wasnt completely ready to hear it.

You did what u could, what u needed to do, what u thought was right. In no way am I discounting all of what you are going through. I acknowledge that it is a lot. I don’t want to put any extra pressure on u since ur already going through so much. I also appreciate the little bit of time we did get to spend together this week.

This may sound selfish as hell, but it just wasnt enuf. (Side note: (Scoff…) You'd think that I'd learn from my previous relationship. When other ppl do their “best”, that doesn’t mean its the same standard as urs in that particular situation.)

I'm so sorry for sounding like a trife, spoiled girl, but its what I feel. Its just that I didnt want to wake up this morning crying and angry. I just wanted you to hold me. But here I am...tear stained face, tense body and holding my damnself.

Biblical Insight: “All night long on my bed, I looked for the one my heart loves; I looked for him but did not find him.” (Song of Solomon 3:1)

Meeting the Parents

So my parents met D during Homecoming weekend. The initial meeting went well. If I do say so myself: “it was a success!” Can you say SCORE? (Tehehehehe.)

The specifics:
It was the 3rd Friday in October. D was in Douglas getting his grub on when I got the phone call from my mother to meet her at her beloved tree. (Side note: What a coincidence, on my way there, I saw my cousin who is a newly married HU Alum by the good tree as well.) I found my mother. Then, I introduced D to her. Instead of the characteristic handshake, D got a hearty hug from the maternal unit. (Slight shock.)

Not surprisingly, the little brother wasn’t as nice as my mother. He quickly sized my D up against my last bf, began asking him questions about himself, and threatening him if he hurt me before he even said hello. (Side note: Aren’t lil bros gr8? He’s only twelve and he has the “provide, protect and defend” mantra engrained in his being!)

Next was the big test, the initial meeting of the father. In order to safeguard himself from the ticket-happy HUCP, my father stayed with the car which was parked down the hill from Yardfest. I turned on “baby girl” mode and proceeded to run down the hill and jump into my father’s arms. D followed up behind me with my mother and brother. The two tests went well: I was happy and D had a strong handshake.

As we finalized dinner plans in the car, my father began to loosen up and joke around with D. What followed was absolutely hilarious. My father asked D to hold a cup as my mother put a date and time on a Ziploc bag. Obedient, D followed instructions. Carefully, the cup was put into the Ziploc bag. My father joked that if D ever got outta line that P.A.P.A agency had his fingerprints, picture (from the ROTC website online discovered over the summer) and basic information was on file (from the “Parental Questionnaire Form on D” that was emailed over the summer.) (Side note: As you can tell, my parents don’t play!)

This was surely different from the last time. My parents were not as jovial with my ex-bf, especially, not at the first meeting. They were certainly cordial and respectful at best. (Side note: The past is the past…(Sigh)... With everything we go through it prepares us for the future. I learned about myself and I can wait to apply what I have learned as well as learn more about myself and my current love interest.)

Dinner was great. The food was delicious. The conversation was amusing and insightful. The company was diverse and intriguing. Everyone was gelling like a heaping helping of Bill Cosby’s famed Jell-O. On the ride to dinner, my bro and D had some “male bonding time.” In the quick minute I was gone meeting out other guests, they already had code words, nicknames and inside jokes. That is creepy and comforting all at the same time.

After dinner, we returned to my uncle’s house in MD. After unpacking out bags, D and my dad had some one-on-on time outside. Initially, I was afraid. But from what I could tell it wasn’t a bad convo to be had. When the conversation was completed, D returned inside with my father. Honestly, this was a relief. In a worst case scenario my father could have opened the door alone and brainwashed me into believing D was only a figment of my imagination. (LOL/JK)

All in all, I cannot complain. To quote a good film “this looks like the beginning of a great relationship.”…As my father prepared to drop me off the next morning, he gave me a hearty hug and whispered in my ear “thank you for bringing me a good man with backbone.” (Smiles)

I thank God for bringing me a good man.

Secret Storms

So I feel like my life is spinning out of control. I put my shaky hand into the stable hand of the Lord’s. I know that he will take care of it all.

I write the scriptures for myself as well as for those I really care about.


“7 I will bless the LORD who has given me counsel; My heart also instructs me in the night seasons.” Psalms 16:7

“5 For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime; weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.” Proverbs 30:5

“1 May the LORD answer you in the day of trouble; May the name of the God of Jacob defend you; 2 May He send you help from the sanctuary, And strengthen you out of Zion; 3 May He remember all your offerings, And accept your burnt sacrifice. Selah 4 May He grant you according to your heart’s desire, And fulfill all your purpose. 5 We will rejoice in your salvation, And in the name of our God we will set up our banners! May the LORD fulfill all your petitions. 6 Now I know that the LORD saves His anointed; He will answer him from His holy heaven With the saving strength of His right hand. 7 Some trust in chariots, and some in horses; But we will remember the name of the LORD our God. 8 They have bowed down and fallen; But we have risen and stand upright. 9 Save, LORD! May the King answer us when we call.” - Psalm 20

Please pray for me and my loved ones…
In the name of Jesus I say “peace be still”…

A Good Relationship Takes Work

Gotta love the book in the bible the Song of Solomon. Here is another timely anecdote:

"2:15 Catch us the little foxes,
The little foxes that spoil the vines,
For our vines have tender grapes."

“The little foxes that spoil the vines” are life’s little problems that ruin growing love. Love cannot thrive where conflicts are allowed to go unresolved or overlooked. If we are to lay the foundation for a growing, flourishing relationship, we must seek to master the art of conflict resolution. Any healthy relationship requires communication and work. The “little foxes” or problems have to be dealt with so that a couple can continue to be close. If problems are not worked out, they can “spoil the vines” of romantic lovem which are very delicate and “tender.”

So we hit a snag…Communication broke down…Feelings are unknown…

Well, I’m listening to the Isley Brothers’ song “At Your Best.” I feel like I am singing this song to myself as well as having it sung to me. Here are the lyrics:

When I feel what I feel
Sometimes it's hard to tell you so
You may not be in the mood to learn what you think you know
There are times when I find
You want to keep yourself from me
When I don't have the strength;
I'm just a mirror of what I see
But at your best you are love
You're a positive motivating force within my life
Should you ever feel the need to wonder why
Let me know, let me know. . .
When you feel what you feel
Oh, how hard for me to understand
So many things have taken place before this love affair began
But if you feel, oh, like I feel
Confusion can give way to doubt
For there are times when I fall short of what I say,
What I say I'm all about, all about
But at your best you are love
You're a positive motivating force within my lif
eShould you ever feel the need to wonder why
Let me know, let me know. . .
Tell me what it is (Tell me what it is)
Make believe, no need to make believe
Look beyond your own (Look beyond your own)
Try and find another place for me
Cause. . .
But at your best you are love
You're a positive motivating force within my life
Should you ever feel the need to wonder why
Let me know, let me know. . .

Please let me know…use me. You don’t have to deal with these things on your own. That is why I am here. You don’t have to rely solely on yourself. Even though it would be uncomfortable for you to do so, please trust me. Open up to me. I want to be your shoulder to lean on and cry on but I can’t do that if you continue to shut me out.

In the meantime, until you trust me with this part of yourself, I will continue to be happy with the part of you I do have. I will pray for you and continue to be there for you to support me as you want me to be. If u need more space, let me know. If you need me to be close, let me know. (sigh)..just let me know.

I fully supplicate myself and acknowledge my imperfections. I am in this relationship for the long haul. Work will continue to be done on my areas of weakness. Communication is key. I’m in this for the long haul. You already know that I care for you a great deal. I will be patient with you. Please reciprocate…

Millions More Movement?-Saturday

I left HU with a sign that I made the night before which stated “This is not just a march, it’s a movement.” That phrase was repeated at least 100 times during the speeches of the day.

I honestly subscribe to this statement and will work hard to create and maintain a movement on HU’s campus and the communities beyond. Many of my peers feel a similar way: inspired to make history, excited to be a part of history, honored to be educated by the diverse list of speakers, as well as encouraged to keep the spirit and action of the movement alive.

Unfortunately, I am worried that this was just a march and it was not a movement. I left the Millions More Movement feeling WAY LESS than inspired. And I am NOT in the minority. I arrived at the National Mall pregnant with hope and anticipation. Even after some personal drama occurred, I didn’t let that deter me from the purpose of the day.

When I returned to the movement, I was determined to stay until I heard the minister speak. I’ve heard that his speeches change lives. I wanted my life to be changed. I heard from my parents who were watching the movement on CSPAN that the minister was to speak at 2:15. Great people including Dr. Julianne Malveaux, Rev. Dr. Jesse Jackson, Rev. Al Sharpton, Dr. Dorothy Height, Congresswoman Sheila Jackson Lee, Wyclef Jean, Erykah Badu, and other community interest groups spoke.

Most, thankfully not all, of the speakers had disorganized thoughts. They mainly complained. It sounded like whining. Everyone talked about all or some of the following: Hurricanes Katrina and Rita, the disproportionate amount of black people in jail, the youth’s lack of involvement, inadequate education and healthcare, Bill Bennett’s quote, and crooked government. These were good topics. However, no one delved into the greater issues. The speakers were too busy feeding into conspiracy theories and stating the obvious. Most of the crowd seemed satisfied. I think that is a problem with my community. We fall for the hype and don’t do research on the true issues at hand. None of the speakers tried to truly educate the masses that were present. If we continue to be uneducated, nothing will change for better. Things will surely get worse.

Not only were the speakers whining, but they were whining over things that in the grand scheme of things aren’t the focus. It’s like focusing on crying when you bleed instead of on the open wound that is present. While you are busy crying, the wound is healing. If you don’t watch how the wound heals. Something could go terribly wrong. The aftermath could felt for a time to come. Us black people are focusing on the superficial side of politics and policy. While we complain about the ramifications of this action and that action, the political machines are fast at work “fixing” the qualms of American society. Most times, they do not act in the best interest of our community. We cannot continue to fight only after the problem has grown into a monstrosity. We must fight when the problem is still a seed or seedling.

The question that I begged to have answered was: what do we do about all of these issues? No one offered a plan of action. The only plan that was offered was a financial campaign. While I do admit that money makes the world go around, I was looking for a nationally organized campaign to get more minorities into political office, letter writing and call in campaigns for the current bills facing the House and the Senate, a call for accountability for the political machines and their politicians at all levels of government. In addition to the topics that were discussed, I do wish that they talked about what was going on in Africa, mainly the Sudan, as well as the vote on a bill that is coming up this week Wednesday that will reduce student aid. They only talked about African in terms of being raped of its riches, which is true. The only bill that was discussed was the one for slavery reparations. (Shakes head.)

I practiced patience for a long time. Finally the minister spoke. The thirst that I had all day was dying to be quenched. I left just as I came: VERY THIRSTY. I am not going to allow my thirst to continue to go unquenched. What I experienced today does not make me any less committed to the movement. I have just come to the realization that I must be my own inspiration. I must work hard in earnest with my peers as well as my mentors to get the goals of the movement accomplished.

I charge everyone who reads this to do the same. Everyone is looking and waiting for a national figure (or figures). Thankfully, most individuals are not complacent. They see problems and want them to be fixed. However, many are unwilling to commit to the movement. They don’t want to get in the race and pick up the baton of the civil right leaders of old. It seems that people have forgotten that great leaders are not born from a woman’s womb but from adversity, circumstance and deed. Leaders need not be rich or poor, educated at the most prestigious universities or on the inner city streets. Everyone’s individual experiences shape them as a person. We must believe that the next leader can be yourself or your peers. Are you ready to lead?

So…I’m listening to Queen Latifah right now.“U.n.i.t.y., u.n.i.t.y. that’s a unity U.n.i.t.y., love a black woman from Infinity to infinity U.n.i.t.y., u.n.i.t.y. that’s a unity U.n.i.t.y., love a black man from Infinity to infinity”

That reminds me of this awesome quote from the movement yesterday:
“Unity does not me uniformity. True unity occurs when differences are put aside and people work together for the greater good.” –Dr. Dorothy Height

LEAD. UNITE. ACT.

New Relationship Soundtrack

Right now: (Smirk and sigh)…I am thinking about D…. This isn’t an unusual occurrence. It happens often. What is a little different is that D and his family are especially on my mind this weekend. Genuine care and concern for him and his family is present. Prayers are sent up for them often.

Last weekend: So…G and S weekend was a success. The soundtrack for the weekend was Lauryn Hill’s “The Sweetest Thing”. Here are the lyrics:
The sweetest thing I've ever known
Was like the kiss on the collarbone
Soft caress of happiness
The way you walk, your style of dress
I wish I didn't get so weak
Ooo, baby, just to hear you speak
Makes me argue just to see
How much you're in love* with me
See, like a queen, a queen upon her throne

It was the sweet, sweet, sweetest thing I’ve known,
It was the sweet, sweet, sweetest thing I’ve known

I get mad when you walk away (don't walk away)
So I tell you leave, when I mean stay**
Warm as the sun dipped in black
Fingertips on the small of my back
More valuable than all I own
Like your precious, precious, precious, precious dark skin tone

It was the sweet, sweet, sweetest thing I’ve known,
It was the sweet, sweet, sweetest thing I’ve known

It was the...Ah
I tried to explain
Ah...but baby, it's in vain

Speaking on my mother's phone
The touching makes me think I'm grown, (you ain't grown)
Sweet prince of the ghetto
Your kisses taste like armoretto
Intoxicating, oh, so intoxicating
How sad, how sad that all things come to an end***
But then again, I'm, I'm not alone****

It was the sweet, sweet, sweetest thing I’ve known,
It was the sweet, sweet, sweetest thing I’ve known

*For clarification, we are not at “love” yet. Care and compassion are growing though.
**You know, I love spending time with you. When I tell you not to come over, it is because I don’t want to be a hindrance to your success. You have so much going for you. Living up to your destiny takes a lot of time to execute. Please, take all of the time you need to complete your work. It will surely pay off in the end.
***Our times apart are not permanent. If anything, it makes the time we do spend together even more special. While we may not get to see each other as much as we like. This is simple preparing us for what we will have to face on a larger scale in the future. Lets get ready…
****Even when we are apart, I feel connected to you. That is very comforting.

Reading my bible: I reread the Song of Solomon this week. This book is read whenever I begin to feel the way I am feeling right now.

Interesting passages-
1. Why I like to kiss him: “Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth—for your love* is more delightful than wine.” (Ch. 1 Vs. 2)
*Again, we are not at “love” yet…

2. Why I am happy to be with him: “Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest is my beloved among the young men. I delight to sit in his shade, and his fruit is sweet to my taste.” (Ch. 2. Vs. 3)

3. How he holds me (makes me feel so comfortable): “His left arm is under my head, and his right arm embraces me. (Ch. 2 Vs. 6)
Isn’t the bible great?

This weekend: So….I’m listening to my real player a few songs came on that remind me of how I feel about him. Justin Timberlake’s “Take It From Here” describes how I try to care for my boyfriend. This is how I want him to care for me as well. We should be able to show stable, unconditional, supportive love(deepening, strengthening emotional/ spiritual attachment for now) reciprocally. I am just glad that my D has a cooperative spirit and like mind. Of course we have our obstacles, but prayer, patience and compassion are the key to our success. Here are the lyrics:

“I wanna be your lake, for your bay
And any problems that you have
I wanna wash 'em away
I wanna be your sky
So blue and high
And everytime you think of me
I wanna blow your mind
I wanna be your air
So sweet and fair
So when you feel that you can't breathe
Baby, I'll be there
I wanna be your answer, all the time
When you see how I put your life before mine
With no question

When all the love feels gone
And you can't carry on
Don't worry,
I'ma take it from here
Just as sure as the sun will shine
Every morning, everytime
Don't worry,
I'ma take it from here

I wanna hold your hands
Review all your plans
I wanna make sure everyone of your dreams will stand
I wanna be your broadway show on review (Why?)
So I can act out how God was when He made you
I wanna be your lighthouse when you get lost
I'll light a bright and shining path to help you across
I wanna be your mother, wait
See what I see
And when you see that can't nobody hold you like me
Cause I love you

When all the love feels gone
And you can't carry on
Don't worry,
I'ma take it from here (Take it from here, baby)
Just as sure as the sun will shine
Every morning, everytime
Don't worry, (no no)
I'ma take it from here
And when there's no one there to hold
And you realize the world is cold
Don't worry,
I'ma take it from here
That's what I'm gonna do
Just as sure as the sun will shine
Every morning, every time (Don't you worry, baby, baby)
Don't worry, girl (Baby)
I'ma take it from here (I'll take you wherever you want)

Give me one reason why we should not be leaving
This world is so deceiving, the time is now
Let's fly away speeding
Through the Garden of Eden
Where all the sweet breathing of love surrounds

When all the love feels gone
And you can't carry on
Don't worry,
I'ma take it from here
Just as sure as the sun will shine
Every morning, everytime
Don't worry, (no no)
I'ma take it from here

Love ain't always the way they write in books (No, no)
See there's the good guys
And also heartbreak crooks
Your hearts the real book
Just take a look inside
'Cause it's a colorful illustrated guide
So there you go
Don't worry
I'll be the one
To help you weather the storm
I'll be there
No matter what time
No matter what place
You can always count on me
I'll take it from here”

I want to take D away from all that is negative in his life. While this is impossible in practice, in theory it would be my pleasure to absorb his pain and heartache. It hurts me that he hurts. I am just so happy that we are together. As J reminded me: “U two will be fine as long as u trust in God and let him guide u two.” I honestly pray so. We must continue to live the following scripture: “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” Phlilippians 4:14

Amen.