Plato’s “Symposium” and Me

We are reading Plato’s “Symposium” in my Honor’s Literature class. For those of you who haven’t read it yet, and I suggest that everyone should, the “Symposium” is a recorded dialog of Greek scholars discussing love. This has wonderful timing because I have been doing a lot of contemplation of the topic.

While at home over Thanksgiving Break, I heard this song by Eric Benet called “I Wanna Be Loved.” You have probably heard it. The song struck a cord with me. (Sidenote: I literally had to pull over when I heard the song to digest what I had just heard.) Here are the lyrics:

“Love once left me cold and grayI had almost reached heavenJust to feel it slip awayBut life's too short to waste awayBeing scared to take chancesOr so I've heard wise men say
CHORUS
Taste, touch, hear, see, feel me now
And you'll know I'm so readyTo [love you somehow], yes I am'Cause now you've shown me how God has smiledOn this chance and this momentFor this I've prayed all my life
CHORUS
I wanna feel there's a reason for living againI want us to fly far awayAnd I want my heart to sing the words only you can understandSo put your hand in mine, say a prayer tonightSo that we may find love
CHORUS: I wanna be lovedFaithful and trueI wanna be lovedTen million lifetimes with you babyI wanna be lovedAnd after all I've been throughI'll let my heart take its chances, just to be loved by you”

My love history:
You see, I really thought that B was the one. (Side note: this is the classic mistake that people make when they fall in love for the first time.) He was so wonderful to me. While I was with him, it was the happiest time of my life to date. He was the center of my life when we together. Since I cared so much for him, I would’ve lassoed the moon if he wanted it. But we showed not to be a good fit together.

After we broke up my life felt hollow, lonely and sad. He hurt me so deeply. I didn’t think that I would find love again. I didn’t want to date anyone else because I only wanted to be with him. Being with him was what I was accustomed to. I couldn’t imagine my life without him. I had alienated myself from my family and friends. When I was newly single, I had to forage those relationships again. I have a stronger bond with my family and friends because of this struggle. Even with my family and friends behind me, I still hung on to the past for a while.

I didn’t fully let go of B until God showed me that there was another. Let me be clear though, it wasn’t just any “other” guy. God gave me what I had been praying for all my life. D exemplifies the characteristics I want in a man. While D does seem to have the potential to be “the one”, I fully admit that I do not know the future. I can’t (and shouldn’t) worry about that right now. I am going to enjoy the time we do have together in the present as much as I can. All I can do is pray and be patient when it comes to the future. What comes will come. Whether it means we stay together or that we drift apart. I just thank God for showing me that there are still real “good” guys out there, who are genuine in their ways. (What is a blessing!) I will appreciate the good guy that I have as long as our relationship stays happy and healthy.

When D came into my life, all of the rhetoric I had been hearing from my support base made sense. They kept telling me that if I don’t let B go, I could be robbing myself and/or someone else of a blessing. The choice became so clear for what I had to do. I decided to take a chance on love with a new person and pray God would lead us in the right direction than to hang on to someone who hurt me and continued to hurt me and wait our relationship to get right again. I thought that the decision would be hard and painful, and it was just not as much as I feared it would. Looking back, I certainly don’t regret it. I am still afraid of being hurt, but I don’t let that fear run my life. Life and love are about risks and indulging certain desires wholeheartedly. I would rather take the risk of being hurt to experience something great, than to play it safe, or to postpone and never know.

Situations like these were discussed in my honor’s literature class, which turned into a sort of therapy session. When we met on Friday, my prof asked us “what does love looks like?” Here were some of the images that came to mind:

Husband and Wife:
At my grandfather’s funeral, my grandmother knelt beside her husband’s casket. She held his hand and prayed. This was not an unfamiliar scene. I have witnessed my grandparents praying together for all of my life. When she concluded her prayer she kissed him on the lips and thanked God for sending her such a wonderful life partner.

Parents and Children:
My parents take very good care of me and my brother. When we were in distress as babies, they burped, changed, and fed us. As we grew up and were able to articulate our issues, they taught us how to tie our shoes, read a book, and go to the bathroom. When we learned to ride our bikes and scrapped our knees, they provided first aid. When the son’s favorite sport is soccer and it isn’t offered at his school, they step as coach and team secretary and make great childhood memories. When no one would ask their daughter to the prom, they arrange a date and make it one of the most magical moments of her life. When the same daughter comes home depressed about physics in her junior year of college, they console her when she cries and arranges tutoring with students at the medical college.

Boyfriend and Girlfriend:
When trial-When the girl (or the guy) is afflicted and begins to get emotional, the other holds their hands and strokes them. They speak words of encouragement. They do not enjoy seeing their opposite in that state and assert their support for you. Then, they envelope you, caress you slightly, embrace you tightly in their arms as you weep and they pray for you. They read comforting scriptures from the bible. After that, you remain in silence and are deafened as well as overwhelmed by the generous and genuine outpouring concern and compassion. These are by far the most beautiful times that D and I share together.

Other examples-You begin to learn the likes and dislikes of that person and you cater yourself to them. If someone is trying to be healthy, you bake your chicken instead of fry it. If someone is lactose intolerant, you order them a cheese-less pizza. You remember that their favorite car is a 1967 Shelby Mustang GT 500. You make sacrifices for that person, like dishing out money to pay for a meal, movie, gas or their dry cleaning. If someone doesn’t like to be asked what they are thinking, you shelve your pride/impatience and learn to accept their ways and wait for them to tell you when they are ready. If the time you can spend together is limited, you try not to fret and get annoyed. You enjoy the time that is and work hard to carve out special moments when you can. Even if that means a short visit when you are dead tired and stressed out. You make do and appreciate it all.

Then, Dr. L asked us to define love. We came up with an interesting list of options. When class was over, I came up with a list of my own:

The first place I checked was Webster’s dictionary-
love (lŭv) n.
1. A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship, recognition of attractive qualities, or a sense of underlying oneness.
2. A feeling of intense desire and attraction toward a person with whom one is disposed to make a pair; the emotion of sex and romance.
a. Sexual passion.
b. Sexual intercourse.
c. A love affair.
3. An intense emotional attachment, as for a pet or treasured object.
4. A person who is the object of deep or intense affection or attraction; beloved. Often used as a term of endearment.
5. An expression of one's affection: Send him my love.
6. A strong predilection or enthusiasm: a love of language.
7. The object of such an enthusiasm: The outdoors is her greatest love.
8. Love Mythology. Eros or Cupid.

v.tr.
1. To have a deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward (a person): We love our parents. I love my friends.
2. To have a feeling of intense desire and attraction toward (a person).
3. To have an intense emotional attachment to: loves his house.
4. To embrace or caress.
5. To have sexual intercourse with.
6. To like or desire enthusiastically: loves swimming.
7. Theology. To have charity for.
8. To thrive on; need: The cactus loves hot, dry air.

v.intr.
1. To experience deep affection or intense desire for another.

The second place I looked was the bible:
1 Corinthians 13:4-8 [This is one of my favorite passages…its it my blog a lot]

Another biblical reference:
Song of Solomon 8
6 Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death…It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame.
7 Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot wash it away…

Then I asked my parents-
Mom-The seeds of “baby love” are present at the beginning. One of two things will happen: there will be friendship which will grow to infatuation OR there will be infatuation first which grows to friendship. Through time and testing the two people will grow closer together. That closeness grows to love. Then you have “mature love.”

Papa- One knows what you feel is love when your relationship is tested and you still make it. Before a test, your feelings are just infatuation with deep emotional attachment.

Finally, I asked myself. To me love is showing complete selflessness and an extreme want for that person to be happy. You don't do things in hopes that you'll get something back, you do them just because. It's when you're with that person and all of a sudden nothing else matters but what is going on in that moment. You get a complete calmness and a sort of serenity not just to your body, but to your soul. When just the thought of that person can make you smile or just hearing their voice can make your day better. When you can look at that person know that not only do they have outer beauty, but inner beauty as well. When you're with them you feel complete, like everything is in place. You're on this incredible high that nobody can bring you down from. Seeing them cry makes you want to cry. Seeing them smile makes you want to smile.

I realized that I did a pretty good job explaining how I feel about love in my blog entry “Ideology Differences.” In short, love is a commitment not necessarily an emotion. There are different types of love to be expressed to different types of people. What changes for each type is the level of commitment, boundaries of the relationship and ways affection are expressed. The basis for all love is the biblical definition of 1 Corinthians 13:4-8. No one can exhibit biblical love perfectly all the time. We are humans and we have flaws. Likewise, our relationships are imperfect. However, we must love those we care about through their shortcomings and they should do the same for us. Love is also a verb to me. You should show the appropriate type of love happily, sincerely and often.